Lone Red Rover
by Epiphany Aria Grace
Summary: Angsty Leo stuff. Leo blaming himself, hurting himself, hiding feelings from his friends. Eventually, his friends start to learn about him and comfort him. Not too much of a plot, just me being angsty. Rated T for scenes or mentions of depression, self-harm, child abuse, and mild language. Please be honest with yourself, and if any of these are triggers for you, do not read!
1. Chapter 1- Demons

**Hello! So, it's been forever since I've written fanfiction, so I'm not sure how this will turn out. I'm mostly writing this because I love Leo, and it's a good outlet for my emotions (it will be slightly dark as a result). **

**A few things you need to know:**

**1\. If you don't know the song Polaroid by Imagine Dragons, I would suggest you read the lyrics and/or listen to it. It's my inspiration for this story and always makes me think of Leo. This song is also where the title comes from. **

**2\. This story begins after Leo fires on New Rome in Mark of Athena, and it will probably all take place during that book. Let me know if my story has any inconsistencies with the book (I've been doing my best to research thoroughly, however, so hopefully there won't be). **

**3\. Feel free to critique me, as long as it is constructive. I will be writing quite a lot of dialogue/etc. in Spanish, but as I'm not yet fluent, I will mostly be using Google translate, so there will undoubtedly be inaccuracies, which you may feel free to point out to me so that I can fix them. I'll put translations on the bottom, unless you guys would rather me put translations in parentheses next to the Spanish. **

**4\. I would love any requests, and will consider all of them, but I make no promises. I will most likely not write too many other genres then those predetermined, but it depends. I have a slightly corrupted mind, but this fiction will NOT have any sexual content or slash, because I simply don't write that way. However, there will be a lot of other things, which I will now give a long list of warnings for. Please, please, please do not read if any of these things could hurt your mental health! I know that I have a habit of reading extremely dark fics when I'm depressed, and that has always been very bad for me. Please don't do that to yourself. **

**Warnings: major depression, panic attacks, self-hate, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts and possibly attempts, mentioned/implied child abuse, violence, torture of a young teenager, minor language, very subtle, hardly perceivable hints at attempted rape, implied eating disorder, possibly more, which I will let you know about if they come up. **

**5\. I do not own Heroes of Olympus, nor any of the many songs that I will be using as inspiration/chapter titles, and I do not intend to make any profit from any of these things, other than the profit of enjoying the outlet of writing, channeling my emotions into something (hopefully) healthy, and the reviews from some amazing people. **

**6\. There will be times when I will take forever to update. My life is very busy and sometimes stressful, and I have a boatload of emotional and mental problems that quite often make it extremely hard for me to keep up with life. I don't necessarily have time to be writing this, but I am anyway, so you'll have to forgive me on the occasions that I go a month without updating. I will do my best for you. **

**Alright, now it's finally storytime. Hope you all enjoy! This chapter is quite angsty, and not my best writing, but I promise that it will get better.**

* * *

**Chapter One- Demons**

"You will not find a place among your brethren."

Leo knew she was right. He had never been good with people. He had never had a real, permanent home where he belonged. Even in his new group of friends, he didn't really belong.

Oh sure, his powers were very useful. He had found them a dragon, killed a few monsters, cooked them some pretty great food, and worked himself nearly to death, quite literally- not that they'd noticed or cared, who would?- building them the Argo II.

He flew the ship; fixing, commanding, navigating, and just generally working his butt off every day and night just to keep the ship, group, and quest together. On top of that, he was their cook, jester, counselor, janitor, and man-who-gets-called-on-to-do-every-single-stupid-little-job.

He'd even managed to hide his depression and put up a very well-crafted mask of annoying jokes, fake smiles, and a bubbly, outgoing nature, so that he'd be sure never to burden the others or bring them down.

But he was still just the repair boy. The comic relief. The seventh wheel.

Still, that was better than being shunted from awful home, to worse home, back to awful home, or else living on the streets.

Much better.

And maybe having a sort-of family could have lasted a bit longer, if Leo hadn't blown it, quite literally.

He winced at the reminder of what he'd done, and turned the door handle of his bedroom cautiously, checking that Coach Hedge wasn't still lurking outside. The hallway was empty, and Leo slipped out.

What had happened? Leo didn't know exactly what had taken control of him, but he did know one thing- he had been weak, once again. And it had nearly cost the crew their lives and their quest.

He reached the engine room, and quietly slipped inside.

He wouldn't normally have to be so careful, but he knew the others didn't trust him to be off on his own, especially while they were all asleep. Not anymore.

Leo walked around the room, making small repairs, creating things with bits and pieces from around the room or his toolbelt, and doing anything he could think of to try and drown out the voices in his head.

But finally, he gave up, and sank to the floor, exhausted. He hadn't slept in several nights, due to the stressed out crew constantly coming to him with complaints, worries, jobs, and requests. He had been yelled at several times by Annabeth, but he knew that she was very stressed and didn't blame her. Better him than someone else, anyway; he was used to it and could take it.

And with the exception of the welcoming feast in New Rome, he hadn't really been eating much. He'd been too busy, and even when he wasn't he usually felt either too sick to eat, or too full of self-loathing to allow himself the pleasure.

But Leo had survived much longer without food and rest, in his days on the streets, and during the many months of building the Argo II. He may not have been the most physically strong, but he was much tougher than any of his friends realized.

Leo sat perfectly still, with the exception of his hands, which went on with their tinkering. For a long time he sat there, listening intently to the humming of the engine. He had hoped that coming down here would help with the memories, but it didn't.

"You will not find a place among your brethren... always be the outsider."

"You're annoying, Leo. You never take anything seriously. You can't even fix a dragon."

Leo winced at the memory of Jason's voice. Jason, who was upstairs fighting for his life, all because of Leo. And what he had said was true- Leo definitely annoyed his friends. And he hadn't been able to save Festus, his friend, the best thing he'd ever fixed.

"But they do not protect your mother, and they cannot stop me from breaking your spirit. Remember this night, little hero, when they ask you to oppose me."

Leo shuddered. He couldn't help remembering that night. His mother's last smile. Gaia's voice. The feeling of losing control. He made no effort to hold back the tears that came. He heard his Tia, aka Hera, speak next.

"Where is your bravery, little hero? Show me the Fates were right to choose you."

And then... "_Te amo, mi hijo_. _Mi pequeño bicho fuego tonto!_"

This memory hurt the most.

He could see her laughing face as if she were really there. She looked aged and tired beyond her years, much like he did now, but she was still breathtakingly beautiful. Her warm brown eyes, identical to Leo's, were always so full of love when she looked at him.

Leo cried harder, choking on his futile attempts to stop the tears. Compared to what the others had said, you might think this was a much less painful memory, but no, it was the worst. It was a reminder of the light that he had lost, the home he hadn't had in over eight years. The biggest mistake he'd ever made.

Leo heard one more voice, harsh and cold.

"Worthless little _diablo_! I always knew you were a monster, a curse. You are a curse on our family! You have robbed me of my sister. You're a _diablo niño,_ you don't deserve to live. _Usted no merece ayuda... Te mereces el dolor! Dejar."_

Leo could almost feel her slap, as if it hadn't been years, but merely seconds. He remembered her attacking him, kicking him and cutting him with her sharp nails. The half-moon shaped scars seemed to represent the scars of his mother's death and his aunt's hateful words. He now had many, many more scars that represented many, many more wounds.

Leo's head began to pound in harmony with the engine's creaking. He buried his face in his hands, his hands tightening around the roots of his messy hair. The pain of his hair being pulled almost helped relieve the tension, but it still wasn't enough to make it go away.

"_Dejar_." He muttered. "_Vaya, por favor. Dejar de hacerme daño, por favor! Mamá, ayúdame! Te amo, mamá... Te necesito!"_

His desperate voice grew louder, and cracked. None of his friends would recognize the broken boy curled up on the floor, crying. Begging for help.

He was so weak; so-effing-weak, and he hated himself for it.

"_Haz que se detenga..._" He whispered.

He sat that way for a few minutes, until he suddenly lifted his head, wearily, an empty expression on his face. His brown eyes had been full of sadness, but were now angry as well.

"No." He said. "_Todo esto es mi culpa. _I failed again!"

He stepped jerkily toward a table cluttered with random items, almost as if he was fighting with himself.

"_Ella tenía razón. Yo no merecen la ayuda!"_

Reaching the table, his deft fingers quickly found and grabbed the glittering pocketknife that sat there. He looked at it sadly, as if he needed it but also loathed it.

"_Merezco dolor..." _

With those words, he began pulling the knife across the skin of his left arm; his movements starting out calm and deliberate- not matching the desperate look in his eyes- but growing to be more forceful and hungry, as if he could somehow drown out his emotional pain with physical pain. Or perhaps as if his blood could wash over things and make them better. Like a peace offering.

One mark for Jason, who had been injured because of Leo's mistakes.

One mark for the innocent Romans he had attacked- proof of his weakness. Another for his stupidity in thinking that he'd finally found a real home. Another for Festus.

And finally, a mark for Esperanza. Leo's beloved mama, whom he had failed.

More scars, to represent more wounds.

It was as if Leo was breaking from the inside, and it was slowly becoming visible, in all the many scars covering his body. In the sharp, malnourished bones and in the dark circles under his once-bright eyes and in the way Leo's hands never stopped shaking these days, because his anxiety never left him- something that he could only hide by keeping his hands moving.

Finally, Leo crawled over to a little hidden niche next to the engine, and put away the knife. He pulled a bandage out of his tool belt and wrapped it expertly around his forearm. He sat completely still, even his hands-he felt too empty now to even feel anxious- and watched the red stain grow larger on the pure white fabric. It was oddly calming, and that thought would have sickened Leo if he hadn't felt so hollow.

Finally, Leo slept.

* * *

**Ok guys! First chapter done. I know it was really angsty, and I apologize, but it was kinda necessary. It will still be quite angsty later, but I promise there is hope to come for Leo, despite the depressing-ness. I'm sorry for being so mean to my baby... But the greatest heroes suffer the greatest pain, which is kind of the point of this story. Please tell me what you guys think! Tell me what you liked, and what you think I could improve. **

**And now, it's translation time.**

**Ti amo, mi hijo- I love you, my son.**

**Mi pequeño bicho fuego tonto- My silly little fire bug. **

**Diablo/diablo niño- Devil/devil child. **

**Usted no merece ayuda- You do not deserve help. **

**Te mereces el dolor- You deserve pain.**

**Dejar- Leave.**

**Vaya, por favor- Go, please. **

**Dejar de hacerme daño, por favor- Stop hurting me, please.**

**Mamá, ayúdame- Mama, help me. **

**Te amo, mamá- I love you, mama. **

**Te necesito- I need you.**

**Haz que se detenga- Make it stop.**

**Todo esto es mi culpa- This is all my fault. **

**Ella tenía razón- She was right.**

**Yo no merecen la ayuda- I don't deserve help.**

**Merezco dolor- I deserve pain. **

**A/N: "Mijo", the word Rick has Esperanza call Leo in the books, actually means millet. I'm not sure exactly what was up with Uncle Rick's brain there, but I personally will not be nicknaming my bae Leo after a type of grain.**

**On that random, amusing note, goodbye loves! God bless. Thank you so much for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2- Hat Trick

**Hey guys! More already, y'all are lucky bugs (Idk where that came from). This chapter is a little less angsty. But only a little. **

**Piper's getting suspicious, and Leo has a (not so) little conversation with Annabeth. **

**Thanks again for your reviews! They make me so happy and motivated to write more. **

**And now, enjoy!**

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**Chapter Two- Hat Trick**

Piper was confused. And maybe, just a little bit worried.

Leo had come to her room to wake her with his normal liveliness, but something had seemed off, and Piper couldn't figure out what. It felt like deja vu, except that Piper couldn't remember what she was remembering.

As she showered and changed, she decided to think like Annabeth, the best person she knew for figuring out answers. She mentally noted all the clues she had.

_Clue 1- His voice. _

_Underneath the normal layers of cheerful and annoying, it had sounded tired and nervous, and something else that Piper couldn't quite find a name for. It reminded her of the first time they'd spoken in Wilderness School- the first time they'd met. _

_Clue 2- His face. _

_Had his face always been so gaunt and worn-out looking? His smile had seemed just a bit off- like a mask that looked almost real, but not quite. And did he normally have such large, dark bags under his eyes? Again, he was reminding her of the old Leo, the Leo that was her best friend before Jason came. She knew he'd had some anxiety and self-loathing, and had been bullied back in those days, but she'd been so sure that he was over that. _

Those questions scared Piper. She knew her friend- of course she did. She'd know if something were wrong, wouldn't she? She was probably just overreacting.

Back to the list.

_Clue 3- His eyes._

_He wouldn't make eye contact with her, looking anywhere but her face, and when she did get a glimpse of his warm, brown eyes, she had seen something strange hiding there. She'd dismissed it during the moment, but now that she thought about it, she couldn't help worrying. _

_Clue 4- His nervous energy._

_Not that it was anything new- he was he most ADHD teenager on planet earth, but it had seemed different. He didn't do the normal things with his hands- he covered his eyes when he first came in, of course, then took to rubbing his left forearm, tapping strange patterns on his legs and the wall, and... And when he leaned in and thanked her for not hating him- then, his hands had been almost completely still, only ever-so-slightly shaking. _

Perhaps the last one was what worried her most. Leo was like a very spontaneously predictable machine. No one could guess exactly what he'd do next, but they always trusted that he'd do it. Today, he had seemed different. Not normal.

_Malfunctioning_.

Piper shuddered at the thought, and at the cold chill that came with it.

_Like a broken machine_.

* * *

Leo was having a great discussion with Annabeth. That is, until she started asking questions about the one broken machine he _didn't_ want to talk about- himself.

"Doing okay?" she asked. He assumed she was trying to sound compassionate, but she sounded more like a bored doctor.

He had the random thought that maybe, maybe she wasn't so different from him. Maybe interacting with organic life forms was hard for her too.

"Oh yeah." He grinned. "I'm fabulous. In fact, I invented fabulous."

"Hm." She grunted, not looking up. Leo hoped the interrogation would end there, before it really started. Unfortunately (or perhaps, very fortunately), it didn't.

After a few minutes of silence, she spoke again.

"What if I don't believe you?"

Leo looked up at her, surprised.

"Uh... What?"

Leo winced when she looked up at him, with an expression like she'd beaten him at some game he hadn't known they were playing.

"Ha. I knew it."

"Excuse my language, but what the hell are you talking about?"

He resisted the urge to call her blondie, figuring she wouldn't appreciate it.

"You're not okay."

"Excuse me?"

"You weren't expecting me to press my question, and when I did, you let your mask slip. You're hiding something. You thought you were hiding it so well, but someone was bound to notice. You're too happy all the time, your eyes don't match your expressions, you never eat,and you get this weird, vacant expression when you think nobody's paying attention. What is it? And I don't want to hear any any of your jokes or lies."

"Um. I had a bad dream. Some weird psycho giants came and sunk the ship with eggnog- gods, I hate that stuff. It was totally terrifying."

"Mhm. Nice try. Now the truth, firebug. You saw what I did to Percy when he left me, you do not want me angry."

Leo froze. Firebug. _Bicho fuego. _That was what his mother had used to call him.

Annabeth looked at him with concern.

"Leo, you okay?"

"Um yeah, just... _Mi madre... _She used to call me that. Her little firebug."

And before he could stop them, a few rebellious tears were making their trails through the dirt and grease stains on his cheeks.

"Gods, Annabeth, I miss her. _La extraño demasiado, no puedo, no puedo hacer esto..."_

_"_Shh..." she whispered. "_Que está bien, que estarás bien. Eres fuerte, bicho fuego." _

He looked up at her in surprise.

"You know Spanish?"

She nodded, and gestured for him to lay his head on her shoulder, which he did, nervously, still silently crying. He heard her muttering in Spanish, but didn't realize what she was saying for a few minutes.

When he did, though, he got quite the shock.

"_...Usted no está solo, pequeño León. Que estaba equivocada. No te lo mereces dolor, héroe. Te mereces amor._"

Leo looked up, his eyes full of fear.

"I... Did you hear me? Last night?"

"Yes. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but my dreams have been awful and I've had some trouble sleeping, and I saw you sneak out."

"Okay, but did you see..." his voice wavered, and he looked away.

"If you're asking me whether or not I was watching you last night, then the answer is no. Not that I didn't try to come in, after all I heard. But the door _was_ locked, you know, so I could only hear you. And what I heard worried me. Who was 'she'? Why did you say that you deserve pain? What was bothering you that you were begging to stop? And what was it that you didn't want me to have seen?"

Annabeth sensed... Relief? That worried her most of all. What was he hiding, and why was he so anxious that she shouldn't find out?

"I, um... I'll tell you under one condition."

"Yes?"

"You don't tell the others yet. I will talk to them about it, but right now we have other problems. Promise me you won't say anything until I give the ok?"  
"Okay. But if I believe that your health, life, or sanity are in danger, I can't promise that I won't get you help."

"Fine. The thing bothering me was just some bad memories. She... She was my aunt Rosa. She sort of blamed me for my mom's death and called me a devil child. She turned my family against me, left me to social services... and she hurt me."

"Wait, like, physically? You were just a little kid right?"

She noticed, too, how he hadn't answered her last question. She wouldn't give up, however.

"Yeah, I was eight. They pulled her off of me pretty quickly, though, and I've been through worse."

This made Annabeth narrow her eyes, and Leo quickly realized his mistake. Too late, however.

"Worse, as in worse pain, or worse, as in worse physical abuse?"

Leo's silence was answer enough.

"Gods Leo. I didn't know."

He laughed bitterly, the kind of laugh that simply wasn't right coming from Leo Valdez's mouth.

"No one did."

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**A/N: The scene with Annabeth is during the time that they are in Kansas. Frank and Hazel are scouting, while Piper, Percy, and Jason are talking to Bacchus. Annabeth and Hedge are helping Leo make repairs. Just thought I'd clarify! **

**And there you are! Not super long, I know, and there was much asking of questions in the scene with Annabeth which might have gotten repetitive, but I hope you liked it. I really wanted a Leo/Annabeth bonding moment, hopefully I kept them both in character. Please review, and let me know what I can improve on! Thank you, lovelies. God bless. **

**Now, Spanish translation time. **

**Bicho fuego- Firebug. **

**Mi madre- My mother.**

**La extraño demasiado- I miss her too much.**

**No puedo, no puedo hacer esto- I can't, I can't do this.**

**Que está bien, que estarás bien- It's okay, you'll be okay. **

**Eres fuerte, bicho fuego- You're strong, firebug.**

**Usted no está solo, pequeno León- You're not alone, little Lion. **

**Que estaba equivocada- She was wrong.**

**No te lo mereces dolor, heróe- You don't deserve pain, hero. **

**Te mereces amor- You deserve love. **


	3. Chapter 3- Shatter Me

**Hey guys! Thank you all for your reviews. If you didn't see, I posted reviews with replies to all of them, but I might start replying after the author's note like normal people do, because it's easier. Thank you to everyone who has liked or followed as well! **

**As of right now, I don't have a clear plot, but I've been reading through MoA and taking notes, and brainstorming for ideas, and hopefully soon I'll actually have a plotline to follow. **

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, etc. If I did, it would all be sappy Leo angst like this story is. **

**halfbloodglader: Thank you! Here's more, as reque****sted. Thank you for suggesting Percy find out- a lot of this chapter was born from that idea. Hope you enjoy!**

**And without further ado, story time!**

* * *

**Chapter Three- Shatter Me**

Eidolons. Leo had been possessed by an eidolon. He wasn't really sure how to feel... Relieved? Weak? Angry?

It didn't change much. Sure, the war starting wasn't _entirely _his fault now. But Leo still had a war on his hands, whether it had been him who started it or not. He still had a ship to keep intact, a quest to keep the world from ending, and a Nico Di Angelo to save.

And a bunch of friends who loved to make him feel like an outsider.

Like Frank letting Leo fall on his face when the eidolons left, while everyone babied Jason and Percy.

And like Piper and Jason were making him feel right now.

They stood by the rail, with their arms around each other, while Leo talked with Festus, a good amount of space away. After all, we wouldn't want the annoying little repair boy to get too close and ruin the romantic image.

He was good at that- ruining things. Maybe that's why he was so obsessed with trying to fix things.

But he could never fix what really mattered.

His mother. Festus. This war he'd started.

No, his biggest mistakes were the ones he couldn't fix. Depressing, huh?

But Leo was also good at smiling. At laughing and acting stupid, so that nobody would know how much of a broken mess he was, how much he hated himself. So that he wouldn't be more of a burden than he already was.

Looking at Jason and Piper, Leo felt even more lonely than usual. He hadn't really spent any quality time with his close friends in while, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd had a conversation with anyone besides (strangely) Annabeth that didn't involve the quest or him fixing something.

Leo noticed that the happy couple had finally decided to head to bed, and decided to try and talk to Jason about finding a time to hang out. After all, he had promised Annabeth that he would talk to his friends. Who better to start with than his best bud?

Leo hurried to intercept his friend. He plastered on his classic impish grin, but Jason looked far less happy. He rubbed his temples.

"Hey Sparky!"

"Leo, I have a headache... Please-"

"Hey, me too! Must be from falling on my face earlier." He laughed with energy that he didn't have.

"Anyway, I had something I wanted to talk you about."

Jason frowned and rubbed his temples harder.

"Listen, Leo, I know you're a super machine who never gets tired, but I personally am really worn out after this whole eidolon deal and everything. Couldn't we talk later?"

Leo's smile faltered, and it took him a few seconds to realize that the rest of his mask had as well. He hastily grinned, again. If Jason had been paying attention, he would have seen how fake it looked, but he didn't.

"Oh, uh... Yeah, totally. Later is good. It's not really important anyway. Enjoy your beauty sleep!"

Jason nodded absentmindedly, and stumbled off.

Leo laughed bitterly, his happy mask slowly disintegrating.

"Leo Valdez, Super invincible machine. Hah. Or should I say, 'worthless broken machine.' _Estúpido, estúpido Leo. Por supuesto que no le gustaría hablar con un niño sin valor estúpido como tú. Estoy tan cansado... tan cansado de esto. No puedo hacer esto. No puedo..."_

Leo was cut off when he ran into Percy. Literally. He hadn't been paying attention, and had walked straight into Percy without realizing it.

Luckily, Percy caught his arm before he could fall.

"Leo! Watch where you're going, man. Hey, Annabeth sent me to- Leo, dude, you okay?"

Leo panicked, tapping his fingers in a frantic attempt to hide their obvious shaking. He had been so surprised that he'd forgotten to look happy, and unlike Jason, Percy had noticed.

He tried for his best fake smirk and pulled his sore arm away. Percy had a tight grip, and he happened to have grabbed the arm that was still wrapped with bloody bandages and hidden under a long sleeve.

Unfortunately, Percy also noticed Leo wince and rub his arm.

When did he become so observant?

"Are you hurt? Here, let me look."

He grabbed Leo's arm and made as if to roll up the sleeve. Leo pulled away quickly.

"No!"

He yelled it much louder than he'd meant to. Percy stared at him, surprised. Leo blushed.

"It's... Nothing. Really, I'm fine."

"Mmhm, I think not. You just blew any chance of me believing you. Now quit this BS and let me look, or I'll have to force you."

And with that, Percy rolled up the sleeve. Before Leo could stop him, he'd also started undoing the bandages. Leo tried to pull away again, but Percy was much stronger than Leo.

The bandages fell away, and they both froze.

After several moments of silence, Percy began cursing. Leo stared at him, wide-eyed. He'd never heard Percy talk like this, and he'd never heard Percy sound this... Broken? Confused? He wasn't sure what it was, but Percy sounded miserable. Finally, he addressed Leo.

"Tell me this isn't what I think? Tell me... Leo, please... How could I not know? How could I let this happen? Oh gods, oh gods, Leo, I- I'm sorry..."

Leo refused to meet the son of Poseidon's stormy, sea green eyes. They both were silent, both holding back tears.

Finally, Percy spoke again, barely whispering as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Why?"

This time Leo met his eyes, and a dam inside him broke.

_"¿Por qué? Soy un fracaso, un jodido, fallo estúpido que quiere nadie. Mi madre muerta, mi dragón ha ido, esta guerra todo es mi culpa! A nadie le importa! No tengo casa. Soy un séptimo de ruedas sólo es importante para que yo pueda ser su chico reparación. Estoy tan hecho, estoy tan cansado! No puedo, no puedo, no puedo ... Lo siento ..."_

Leo almost collapsed, he was shaking so hard, but Percy caught him gently, and helped him sit down against a pile of crates.

There, Leo curled up, hiding his tear-streaked face from Percy's view.

He was so angry at himself. He held his hands in tight fists, his fingernails cutting into his palms in a comforting way. Why did he have to be so weak? What had happened that had taken away his ability to keep his feelings to himself?

And why was he such a hopeless, broken mess?

Percy sat next to him awkwardly, rubbing his back. He didn't know the meaning of Leo's words, but he knew from the emotion in his voice and face, that Leo was far from okay.

They sat there for a long time, Percy's arm around Leo.

Finally, Leo spoke up.

"I-I'm sorry Percy. I'm so stupid and I'm sorry that you had to be burdened with this and..._Te amo, Percy, lo siento, lo siento..._"

"Hey, man. Don't be sorry. Do you need to talk?"

"I don't know. Maybe- I don't know... yes? But... we should both be getting to sleep. I'm so exhausted... Wait, didn't you say something about Annabeth earlier? What did she need?"

Percy sighed. "You really need to stop doing that, bro."

"Stop what?"

"Changing the subject. And yeah, she just wanted me to tell you to go to bed. Something about needing sleep and overworking yourself. Now that I think about it, she's right. You do overwork yourself. So you should definitely sleep. But listen- we may not talk tonight, but we are _so_ having a conversation later, and you better not try to avoid it."

Leo grumbled good naturedly.

"Fine, Seaweed Brain. Now, bedtime."

"One more thing."

"Ugh, what is it?"

"Promise me you won't... You know, hurt yourself."

Leo scowled.

"It's not like I can just stop that easily."

"Well, promise me you won't do it tonight. Tomorrow I'll start helping you, but until then..."

"Got it."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

With that, Percy wrapped him in a warm, strong-but-gentle hug. Percy had always intimidated Leo, so he found it surprising how comforting it was to hug him like this.

"Love you, man."

Leo smiled faintly- a small, but real smile. Percy decided that he definitely preferred it to Leo's fake happiness.

_"Gracias, hermano. Te amo."_

* * *

**There y'all go! I hope you liked it. I immensely enjoyed writing it, in all it's epic bromance glory. Just be clear, this is definitely not slash nor will it become slash. Simply adorable bromance, because it makes me happy. Special thanks to halfbloodglader for giving me the idea of Percy finding out. A brilliant idea, if I may say so myself. :) **

**Thank you all for being amazing! **

**Love you guys! 3 **

**Spanish translations:**

**Estúpido, estúpido Leo- Stupid, stupid Leo.**

**Por supuesto que no le gustaría hablar con un niño sin valor estúpido como tú- Of course he wouldn't want to talk to a stupid worthless child like you.**

**Estoy tan cansado... tan cansado de esto- I'm so tired... so tired of this.**

**No puedo hacer esto. No puedo...-**

**I can't do this. I can't...**

**¿Por qué? Soy un fracaso, un jodido, fallo estúpido que quiere nadie- Why? I'm a failure, a screwed up, stupid failure who nobody wants. **

**Mi madre muerta, mi dragón ha ido, esta guerra todo es mi culpa!- My mother dead, my dragon gone, this war all my fault.**

**A nadie le importa!- Nobody cares. **

**No tengo casa- I have no home.**

**Soy un séptimo de ruedas sólo es importante para que yo pueda ser su chico reparación- I am a seventh wheel- only important so that I can be your repair boy.**

**Estoy tan hecho, estoy tan cansado!- I am so done, I am so tired.**

**No puedo, no puedo, no puedo- I can't, I can't, I can't...**

**Lo siento- I'm sorry.**

**Gracias, hermano. Te amo- Thank you, brother. I love you.**


	4. Chapter 4- Dreaming With a Broken Heart

**Hey y'all! Wow, it's been like over two weeks already? I honestly don't know how so much time passed so quickly. I'm so, so sorry for the wait! I've been really busy preparing/rehearsing for a musical I'm in (opening night is tomorrow- whoo! Wish me luck), plus I've been dealing with some hard/heavy emotional stuff which makes it hard to hard to find motivation. **

**I do have some slightly Piper/Leo memories in this chappie. I don't necessarily ship them, but I do entertain the idea that Leo loved her and had his heart broken. Even when you stop caring for someone in that way, it's hard to let go of them. **

**Also, I still don't really have a for sure plotline, but I'm basically planning on showing Leo begin to heal emotionally, and to fix his relationships with the crew. I've already shown him open up to Annabeth and Percy. **

**Now, without further ado...**

**Jk, I have to answer your reviews first ! **

**killua minamoto- Thank you! I'm glad you thought it was cute. I know, I did make Jason a bit of a jerk. I know he's not a jerk for real, but he seems to me like the kind of person who isn't very sensitive to others feelings when he's tired and stressed. He's also a thinker, which makes it harder for him to understand really emotional people like Leo (not that being a thinker is bad! Thinkers are brilliant and awesome). I also needed to show how the rest of the crew don't really think about Leo's feelings and assume that he's always happy. **

**I agree, Percy is such a sweetheart, though I like Leo better as well. :) Thank you again!**

**awesometacos- Wow! Thank you so much! I can't believe you like my story so much, thank you, thank you thank you! You're too sweet. I'm so glad you think it's good, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. :) **

**Reika Tachibana- Thank you! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, or followed! **

**Love you all! **

**And NOW without further ado...**

* * *

**Chapter Four- Dreaming With A Broken Heart**

Leo dreamed about Piper.

Her gorgeous eyes refused to stay one color, changing from forest green, to pure gold and brown, to clear blue.

"God, Leo. I don't know what I'd do without you." She laughed.

"Well, you certainly wouldn't know what the meaning of a good time is."

She laughed again, filling him with a surge of happiness. He grinned joyfully.

"But really. I don't even know what would have happened to me if you hadn't helped me when I came here. You're the best friend I've ever had."

He looked surprised and confused, as if he was waiting for her to laugh at him and take it back. She didn't.

"Same here." He whispered, not daring to meet her eyes. "I mean, I was getting beat up every other day before you came, so I don't think I'd still be alive here without you."

She looked at him sadly for a few moments, remembering those times. They pretended now that Leo's days of being bullied were completely gone, but they both knew it wasn't true. Still, they had an unspoken agreement never to talk about the days when Leo had new bruises forming and was more subdued than normal. Piper always knew, though, when it was one of those days, and she always stuck extra close to him.

They were hiding in a supply closet, trying not to make any noise as Coach Hedge ran around outside yelling threats and smashing things.

Another one of their best pranks had been a success.

After a few moments of solemn silence, Piper chuckled again.

"Did you see his face?"

He smiled again. "Oh yeah! It was amazing."

Piper gave him a high-five and they did their special handshake. They didn't let go of each other's hands for a minute or two, as they tried to catch their breath.

It was then that the scene changed.

Leo was still breathing hard, but this time he wasn't smiling.

He was hiding, crouched behind a bush. Piper was several feet away, and she was surrounded by three nasty looking boys.

The one in the lead was tall, buff, and handsome in an almost too-perfect way. He was smiling sadistically at Piper. Leo gave him a nasty glare from his hiding spot.

The second boy was thin, with thin, limp blond hair, and a long nose and a pointed chin which was held ridiculously high. He was smirking.

The third boy was, perhaps, the most unnerving. He wasn't much taller than Leo, clearly stronger and more muscled, but not quite as buff as the arrogant leader. His green eyes were the only part of his face that showed any emotion, and they were filled with cruelty and lust. He stood almost completely still, and walked in a nearly feline way.

Leo's hands were working at an almost inhuman pace, creating some sort of gadget with random bits and pieces from his many pockets.

"What do you idiots want?" Piper growled.

Why did she have to be so beautiful when she was angry? It was distracting.

"My friends have their own reasons. But me? I want revenge."

"W-what-" Her eyes widened and her mouth made the shape of an O.

"Oh- I... Leanne?"

"That's right, beauty queen.*" He taunted.

"Thomas, you know that was just a prank, a-and she deserved it! Did you see how she treated the new girl? And _don't _call me that!"

"Nobody messes with my girl, and it's time I taught you that. After I do, I'll let my friends have what they want. I'm sure you can figure it out." His grin grew larger, and more terrifying, and the other two moved closer.

Piper visibly shuddered, and Leo leaped forward with his creation just as Thomas moved to hit Piper. He threw the strange contraption between the three boys, and jumped in front of Piper to shield her. A series of popping noises echoed through the alley.

The boys were startled, but unhurt, and they quickly recovered and closed in on Leo.

The fight was all a blur. Thomas and Raymond -the quiet, dark haired boy with scary eyes- pinned Leo in, while the scrawny blonde, Liam, fought Piper. Piper quickly had Liam sprawling on the ground and joined the other three. As you can imagine, it hadn't exactly been a fair fight for Leo. Piper gasped when she saw him huddled on the ground, trying to shield their blows with his thin arms.

"Stop!" she yelled. "Stop... you-you don't want to hurt him. You don't want to fight us. Leave him alone! Go away!"

They obeyed her, looking confused as they backed away hesitantly.

She rushed to Leo. He was breathing hard, shaking, and muttering in both Spanish and English.

He stared straight at Piper, but didn't seem to see her.

_"Basta, por favor! Deje de hacerme daño..."_

Piper tried to calm him down, taking his hand in hers and carefully wrapping her arm around him.

_"Mamá? Eres tú? Help, mamá, I need help. No puedo hacerlo."_

"Shh," she whispered. "You're okay, Leo, I'm here."

"_Ayúdame! Dios, me duele, por favor pase, por favor me deja solo Theresa! Tengo miedo de ella, please make her stop!"_

"It's okay. She's not here. She can't hurt you."

Piper held him until his panic attack was over, and then she helped him walk back to the dorm, where they cleaned up and bandaged their wounds.

"Piper?" Leo said quietly from his perch on the bunk bed, all confidence and humor gone from his voice.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

She looked up at him, sadly.

"You saved my butt, Valdez. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"The only thing I did was throw a firecracker and get myself in trouble, leaving you to save my ass and then deal with one of my stupid panic attacks. I'm sorry I'm so weak, and I'm sorry I broke down. It wasn't fair to you."

He looked genuinely angry at himself, and so did she.

"Valdez, don't you dare say anything like that ever again."

He looked confused.

"How dare you be so hard on yourself for breaking down? You're so strong, Leo, and you deserve to not be every once and a while. Your life has been hell. I don't know a lot of details about your past, but I do know that it was bad enough to give you bad dreams and panic attacks, and that it is Not. Your. Fault. You don't deserve it, and you can't hate yourself for it."

He looked away so that she wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

She climbed up and sat next to him, wrapping her arm around his back and leaning on his shoulder. They sat almost completely still, with the exception of Leo's hand tapping the same pattern in morse code, over and over.

"I love you. I love you. I love you..."

Leo woke up disappointed. Those memories had been some of his last before Jason came along, and he wasn't anywhere near as close to his best friend as he used to be. They barely talked anymore, and he missed her.

Leo sighed as he looked up at the clock, which said 6:27. He had been asleep for almost four hours, give or take, and that may have been the longest amount of time he'd slept all week. He got up and headed to the engine room, as usual.

He fell back asleep in his hidden corner by the engine about half an hour later.

And he didn't dream.

* * *

**Hey y'all! Hope you enjoyed that angsty fluff (I enjoyed writing it). Thank you again for reviewing, favoriting, etc., and sorry again for the wait.**

**3**

**Also, I decided that the reason Leo didn't have any more dreams when he fell back asleep was because Aphrodite noticed his dreams about her daughter and, feeling bad for him, put her protection over him for the rest of that night. **

***I thought that people would make fun of her and how she tries to not look good by nicknaming her that, also giving another reason why she hates it when Leo calls her that. **

**Spanish translations:**

**Basta, por favor! Deje de hacerme daño- Stop it, please! Stop hurting me.**

**Mamá? Eres tú?- Mama? Is it you?**

_**No puedo hacerlo- I can't do it.**_

_**Ayúdame! Dios, me duele, por favor pase, por favor me deja solo Theresa! Tengo miedo de ella- Help me! God, it hurts, please stop, please leave me alone Theresa! I'm afraid of her. **_


	5. Chapter 5- No More

**Hey, my loves. So, it's been over a month since I last wrote... I don't even know what to say about that. I was hoping this story wouldn't be like my last one, where I started out motivated but lost my motivation and started taking weeks or months to update, but it's starting to become that. **

**My life has been really messy and hard lately. To be completely honest, I've been battling with depression and self harm (which is actually the reason I started this fic, to help me deal with my emotions), and it's caused me to be beyond exhausted and to lose all motivation to write.**

**No, I'm not telling you this to get attention. I want you to know that there is a valid reason for me being gone so long. I am sorry, and I've felt immensely guilty every day that I haven't written, but I know that I need the put my health and dealing with my emotional problems before writing fanfics. **

**Having said that, this is not going to be a very long fic; I plan to finish it up after a few more chapters, probably around 5. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me- seriously, y'all are amazing people. **

**Also, I changed all the chapter titles to song names, if you didn't notice. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own HOO nor do I intend to make profit through writing this. I also do not own the songs Demons by Imagine Dragons, Hat Trick by Jonathan Thulin, Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling, Dreaming With a Broken Heart by John Mayer, or No More from Into The Woods. I'm including some of the lyrics from No More at the beginning of the chapter, because it really applies to Leo in this chapter.**

**Now, to answer my reviews.**

**Killua minamoto- You are a wonderful person, and I'm glad you're confident in who you are and won't change for others. I'm also glad that you like my replies! **

**Aww, thank you! Leo is just the cutest. That chapter and that scene (the panic attack) were probably my favorite part to write, followed by the part with Percy.**

**It's okay, I always love your long reviews! They're very sweet and unique, as you are. **

**Thank you! :)**

**Mondmaedchen- Thank you! I'm so glad. :D **

**Guest- Thank you so much. Your review was so incredibly encouraging and meaningful, thank you! :) **

**awesometacos- I'm sorry I've taken so long... I hope you like this chapter! Thanks for the cookie, it was delicious! **

**IraTamashi99AmyliaZanpakuto- Yeah, I figured that out, but I still think it's funny. :P Thanks for reading my story! **

**Okay, story time. I hope y'all like it, it probably won't be my best. **

**Love y'all!**

* * *

**Chapter Five- No More**

_"No more questions, please.  
No more tests.  
Comes the day you say, 'What for?'  
Please.. no more._

_We disappoint, we disappear, we die, but we don't._  
_They disappoint in turn, I fear,_  
_Forgive, though, they won't._

_No more riddles._  
_No more jests._  
_No more curses you can't undo, left by fathers you never knew._  
_No more quests._  
_No more feelings. Time to shut the door._  
_Just.. No more._

_Running away, let's do it._  
_Free from the ties that bind._  
_No more despair, or burdens to bear,_  
_Out there in the yonder._  
_Running away, go to it._  
_Where did you have in mind?_  
_Have to take care.. unless there's a 'where',_  
_You'll only be wandering blind._  
_Just more questions.. different kind._  
_Where are we to go?_  
_Where are we ever to go?_  
_Running away, we'll do it._  
_Why sit around, resigned?_  
_Trouble is, son, the farther you run,_  
_The more you'll feel undefined._  
_For what you have left undone, and more,_  
_What you've left behind._

_We disappoint, we leave a mess, we die, but we don't._  
_We disappoint in turn, I guess. Forget, though, we won't."_

Leo was very disoriented when he woke up- he realized with shock that he hadn't dreamed at all after waking up from his dreams about Piper. Demigods always dreamed- why hadn't he?

He didn't have time to worry about it, however, as he was interrupted by Piper barging in. She looked frazzled, wearing red pajama pants and a camp half blood t-shirt, which she somehow still looked amazing in.

"Leo, we can't find Percy and Annabeth anywhere! We need you to help us search, you know your way around the ship better than we do."

He sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"I haven't showered in few days... Can you-"

"You haven't showered in a few days? That's disgusting, no wonder you stink."

"Yeah, I've been a bit busy doing every little job for you guys, since y'all are obviously incapable of doing anything for yourselves. Sorry." He said sarcastically.

Piper frowned.

"No need to be rude," She grumbled. "Are you coming to help or not?"

_I miss you. _Leo thought. _You have no idea how much I miss you. _

"Just give me ten minutes, kay?"

"Fine."

"Thanks Beauty Queen."

She scowled.

"Beauty queen, your ass."

"You know it."

She tried to fake a frown, but couldn't keep from laughing.

He grinned, this time for real. It was almost like old times, for a painfully short moment.

"Now get going, unless you want to watch me shower."

"Yeah, no thanks." She laughed, and left his room. He quickly grabbed a change of clothes and hesitated when a razor fell out of his drawer.

His mind was begging for him to do it- but why?

He wasn't depressed. He didn't want it.

He carefully picked up the razor, and put it back. He was going to do his best for Percy.

Maybe it was a small victory, but it was a victory all the same.

He took a quick shower and dressed in tan cargo pants, a long sleeved red shirt with suspenders, and his favorite old combat boots. His entire body ached with tiredness, despite having slept more than usual. He groaned and sank to the floor, wanting to go back to bed and sleep for a week. But he couldn't, so he forced himself to stand again and walk to the mess hall, plastering on his signature fake grin.

Hazel and Piper were talking in low voices when he came in, and Coach Hedge looked almost terrifying, with his crooked baseball cap, club in hand, and a manic look on his face.

Percy and Annabeth came in with Frank, who looked absolutely terrified, before Leo could ask what was up.

* * *

After the meeting was over, and Frank, Percy, and Hedge left, Leo was left in the dining hall with Piper and Jason. Annabeth had gone to try and talk to Hazel.

Talk about awkward. The happy couple didn't seem to care that Leo was there.

He poked at his food, which he hadn't touched. He knew he needed food, but just the thought of eating disgusted him. He didn't deserve food, just like he didn't deserve love. He wished that he could make it disappear, along with all of his other problems.

_But you can. _A voice said.

Leo looked around the room to see who had spoken, before realizing, embarrassed, that it had just been his own mind.

_Maybe I'm going crazy. Probably lack of sleep, _he decided.

The voice came again.

_You could make it disappear- you could leave. Abandon this hopeless quest and these so-called "friends" who don't care about you. Run. That's the only way to escape your problems. That's all you're capable of._

Leo shook his head. Why was he thinking this? He couldn't abandon the crew, they needed him. And though he didn't want to admit it, he did need them too. What he do without Piper, who always understood him, and Jason, who always had his back? And what about Annabeth and Percy, whom he had started to become good friends with? He would miss Hazel too, though he didn't know her well, and even Frank, the big goofball, who he couldn't seem to get along with.

He definitely couldn't leave.

Leo was snapped out of his thoughts when he realized that Piper and Jason had stopped talking, and were staring at him.

"What?" he asked. "I know I'm super attractive, but honestly, could you guys stare a bit more discreetly? It's hard to eat with everyone watching me like that."

Neither of them laughed.

"Leo... Are you okay? You look exhausted, and even more underfed than usual. And now that I think about it, I haven't seen you eating much lately. And just a minute ago... You had this really weird look on your face."

He tried to muster up a grin, but this time it didn't work. It seemed like all the muscles in his face were working against him. And then, before he could stop himself, he began talking. He didn't sound angry, or even hurt. He just sounded quiet and tired.

"Actually, um, no. I'm not okay. You guys have neglected me since... Well, I'm not sure you ever haven't neglected me. I've been working myself to death for months, and no one has noticed. I've been lonely and depressed, but no one has noticed. I haven't been eating or sleeping enough because I constantly feel sick, and I think I might have an eating disorder but I don't know, and I'm super busy keeping this ship going, but no one has noticed. I want to sleep for a week, but I have insomnia because there are voices in my head that never shut up. I want to be left alone, yet I'm absolutely terrified of being alone because... well... because I have a serious self harm addiction and I've been having scary thoughts and I'm afraid of myself. So there you go. Now you know how screwed up I am, and you probably hate me. I wish I had enough energy to care."

When Leo looked up, Piper was crying. Jason was staring, dumbfounded.

"Last night... I... Leo, I'm sorry! I was so thoughtless. I always am with you. How could I just ignore your emotions like that? I've been such a jerk..."

Leo sighed.

"Jason, really, it's okay..."

"No it's not!" Piper choked. "I've done it too. I was so rude to you this morning. I've been so caught up in my life that I've basically ditched you. We're best friends! And I never even noticed that you were... so depressed... and self harming... and... Oh, Leo! I'm sorry!"

She moved to the chair next to him and wrapped her arms around him. At first, he was stiff and uncomfortable, but he eventually relaxed, and rested against her. Jason sat next to them, his arm protectively around their shoulders.

They sat like that for a long time, not moving or speaking.

"Leo, we love you." Piper said firmly. "And we haven't been treating you right. But that's going to change. And don't you ever dare believe that we aren't here for you. You're dealing with a lot of stuff, and it's not your fault. We're going to help you get better, but you have to let us in. You can't hide from us. You have to try."

Leo smiled weakly.

"I'll do my best."

* * *

**Yay! So Leo won a small battle against the monster named self harm, and he finally talked to his best friends. I'm kinda proud of this chapter; it turned out way better than I thought it would. Hopefully I'll write again soon, now that I've finally gotten my creative juices flowing. **

**I love you all. Thank you for reading, and for being patient, and for putting up with me. ?**

**Please review, and don't forget that you are strong, and you are loved! **


	6. Chapter 6- Dark Days

**Hello darlings! I know, it's been forever. I've definitely missed you, but I've been off having adventures (like interning at a dance camp) and fighting dragons (such as depression and loneliness). It's been a mostly good week emotionally, so I am capable of writing again! Yay!**

**Thank you all for your many reviews- they've made me smile, and oftentimes touched my heart. I love you guys!**

**AnonymousPJOfan- Aw, thank you! I'm so glad you like it. I know right- I love writing characters that I can relate to. :)**

**kittehx1- I always think that songs can add so much to stories. I guess that means I'm doing my job right, if I made you cry. :P**

**awesometacos- Aw, thanks! I'm glad you liked the chapter! I hoped it wasn't too fluffy, so I'm glad you enjoyed the fluff.**

**Mondmaedchen- I'm glad you think it's cute! I like the angsty chapters better as well, but I have to be nice to Leo sometimes.**

**Our Mismatched Socks- Well, that's what I'm going for, so I'm glad you think so! Thank you very much!**

**GaaraLove4-ever- Thanks for the feedback, it helps me to write better. I'll see what I can do to slow it down a bit.**

**killua minamoto- I appreciate your reviews so much. Every time I read them they make me happy. I'm so glad you like the chapter, and that you liked the part with Piper, Jason and Leo.**

**And thank you so, so much for the encouraging things you've said! They mean so much. You're such a real, loving, caring person and that's amazing! :)**

**IraTamashi99AmyliaZanpakuto- Thank you for understanding! That really does mean a lot. I'm so glad you liked the chapter! :)**

**bookworm563- Wow! Your review was so incredibly understanding and thoughtful. That means a lot. I'm so glad you think my writing is amazing, and thank you so much for encouraging me! People like you are the reason I keep writing. I hope you like this chapter!**

**TryMe626- An update, as requested! I'm so glad you think it's good. :)**

**bluemooncow- Thank you! That means a lot. :)**

**Thank you all again, for reading, for commenting, and for being so kind and so understanding!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 6- Dark Days**

"Dark Days" by the Punch Brothers

_"Mother, listen to my heart._  
_Mother, listen to my heart,_  
_Just as one beat ends, another starts._  
_You can hear no matter where you are_  
_(Sister) hide our love away_  
_From the evil we both know._  
_It can see you through these dark days,_  
_Though they seem to darken as I go._  
_Our love will see us through these dark, dark days (sister,)_  
_'Till it lights the way back home._  
_(Sister,) hide our love away._  
_It can turn the whole world upside down,_  
_Shake it 'til the sky falls to the ground._  
_We don't have to reap the fear they've sown_  
_Friends, as long as we hide our love away,_  
_In the good they'll never know."_

For the second night in a row, Leo's dreams were riddled with memories; this time of his mother.

They were visiting Aunt Rosa's house for Christmas. Esperanza was chatting with the other adults, while 6-year-old Leo was off playing with his cousins.

None of the adults noticed when Raphael, who was a few years older than Leo, began antagonizing him. He had somehow gotten his hands on a ventriloquism puppet, and he was using it to scare the younger boy. Finally, Leo ran away and hid under a table, but Raphael just followed.

"Boo!" He screamed, sticking the puppet's face under the table. "The diablo puppet has come! He is hungry for the souls of diablo children- like you!"

Toddler Leo screamed. He was six years old, but didn't look any older than four.

"Mamá! Mamá! Tengo miedo!" (I'm scared)

Most of the adults stopped talking when they heard him scream.

Rosa, very red in the face, demanded to know what was going on; glaring at the crying Leo.

Raphael, who had momentarily disappeared, returned before Leo could say anything. He was holding one of the new expensive toys he had been given, and it was broken.

"Mamá, I was playing with my new toy, when Leo tried to take it from me. I said no, so he screamed and threw it on the ground!" and he burst out into fake tears.

Rosa turned to Esperanza, who was hugging her child. He was still crying in fear, clutching her waist with his painfully thin wrists. His wild, curly hair was a tangled mess, and his face was red and snotty. He cried harder when he heard Raphael's lie.

"Mami, no lo hizo, decirles que no lo hice! Él me estaba haciendo miedo!" (Mommy, I didn't do it, tell them I didn't do it! He was making me scared!)

Esperanza looked furious as she met Rosa's gaze.

"I have not raised my son to act in such a way. He tells me he didn't do it, and he also tells me that your son was doing something to scare him. I trust his honesty far more than your son's, Rosa."

Rosa turned even redder.

"Are you calling my son a liar, sister? And a bully? How dare you!"

Esperanza's eyes were fiery, but she kept her voice calm.

"Yes, I am. And I will not tolerate my son being bullied. We will say our farewells and go home now."

"Perra! Vaca! Yes, get out. And I will be sending you a bill to replace his toy!"

Rosa snarled.

Esperanza picked up her little son, snuggling him close, and walked out without looking back.

And the memory faded into another one.

It was now New Year's Eve of the same year. Esperanza was snuggling with Leo on the couch, trying to keep warm in the poorly heated apartment.

"Mamá?"

"Si, mi amor?" (yes, my love?)

"I'm hungry..."

"I know, baby. The rice we had for dinner this afternoon was my last."

She had spent her paycheck from that month paying Rosa for the expensive toy, even though she knew her son had not broken it. Rosa had threatened to get the police involved if her sister didn't pay for it. They had been very careful with food, but still, they had very little of anything left at the end of the month.

He cried softly.

"Oh baby, don't cry. I'm sure we can find something..."

She got up and began searching every corner of the kitchen, not for the first time, while he sat on the counter. She grabbed a piece of paper towel to blow his nose on.

"Cheer up, mi amor. We will be okay. Why don't we go and visit auntie Rosa? Maybe she will have something yummy for us."

She smiled weakly, and he smiled back as she kissed his forehead.

She bundled Leo up in his warmest red coat, and his hand knitted hat and gloves.

Rosa looked very surprised to see them at her door.

"What do you want, why are you interrupting our family supper?"

Esperanza looked down at her son, and ran a calloused hand through her waist-length chocolate colored hair. She was often teased at work for keeping her hair so long- it wasn't practical. But it reminded her of her amante, Hephaestus. He had always loved her soft brown hair.

"We have no food. Please Rosa- just, just a bit of rice and beans. He's hungry."

She whispered, her eyes pleading.

Rosa laughed harshly.

"What, you have only come here to beg for scraps, like the dog that you are? I have no time for this."

"Please, sister! I spent my paycheck on your son's silly toy. Would you let a child go hungry, your own nephew?"

"Do you not make any money whoring yourself out, or do you only do that for fun? I don't give out handouts to beggars like you."

"How dare you say that about me! What's wrong with you? I'm your sister!"

"Get out of my house, slut. Out."

She slammed the door on Esperanza. Leo looked at his mother sadly.

"Mamá, please don't cry!" he hugged her tightly, both of them shivering violently.

She looked up, and whispered to the sky.

"If you are really a god like you say, Hepheastus, then will you please help me feed our son?"

Just then, a wealthy looking couple walked by, laughing happily. The young woman noticed them huddled on the sidewalk as they passed, and pointed them out to her husband.

He spoke up.

"Hello there! Is everything okay, ma'am?"

She looked shocked that they had noticed her, and cared.

"My baby is hungry. I have no money to feed him."

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out several paper bills, handing them to Esperanza.

"Well, here you go. I couldn't let a mother and child go hungry, and those who are blessed ought to share. Happy new years, and God bless you!" They both smiled and continued walking.

She cried in relief, hardly believing what had just happened.

"Happy new years" she repeated quietly, hugging her son. Then she stood, and taking Leo's hand, started for a nearby grocery store.

"How would you like to have Mamá's special homemade tacos, my fire bug?"

He smiled joyfully.

"Si, si! Those are my favorite. I love you Mami."

She smiled back.

Leo woke up with wet eyes. He could still see his mother's beautiful smile when he closed his eyes. She looked so beautiful; looked years younger when she smiled.

His chest felt empty and painful, and there was a lump in his throat. He felt silly for it; but he wished he had a mother to hold him now, like she used to, and comfort him.

Eventually, he fell back asleep, still blanketed with a raw, heavy loneliness.

* * *

**I hope you liked it! This chapter was super fun (and emotional) to write. I hope it's not too overdramatic, but I've known what it's like to not have much money, and it's a true story for SO many people.**

**Love you all!**


	7. Chapter 7- Breathe Me

**Hey! Another chapter. You guys are lucky- it hasn't been near as long as it normally takes me. I finally got a computer that works, so I'm no longer writing on my phone. Yay!**

**I start school in two days, so I'll either be updating more or less often, depending on how life goes. My emotional problems have been a lot better- I talked to my mom, and haven't hurt myself in four weeks! :) I love you guys. Thank you for supporting me.**

**Skyfir3S4kur4- Thank you! I'm so glad you like it! That's very sweet of you. Hope you like this update!**

**Guest- Thank you! That's a good suggestion- I'll see what I can do! Thanks again :)**

**wh- Thanks! Haha, I completely agree! :P**

**Mondmaedchen- Thanks! Yes, yes. We've never been nearly as poor as Leo and Esperanza, we've just never had much money and sometimes struggle.**

**killua minamoto- Thank you! I absolutely love Esperanza, and I think her memories were the most fun to write. I know, I say that every chapter, but I mean it this time. :P Here's an update, and it's faster this time! :) I am still fighting, and I'm starting to get better. Thank you for your support!**

**Guest- Thank you so much! Mothers really are amazing people (usually- sometimes they sadly aren't). Thank you so much- I think you are also a beautiful and amazing person, if the way you support and encourage even strangers is any clue!**

**Alright, time for chapter seven! Enjoy!**

**Warning: Descriptions of a panic attack, suicidal thoughts, and extreme violence/torture.**

* * *

**Chapter Seven- Breathe Me**

Leo was distracted, which is why he didn't notice that he was being followed until he reached the engine room. Leo heard a noise behind him, and he turned quickly, his heart racing, until he saw that it was just Frank.

"Oh, just you. You scared me for a minute, iguana-man."

Frank narrowed his eyes. Leo seemed to sense the tension radiating off of Frank, and he took several steps back towards the wall. He tried to pretend he was unfazed, but the glare he was receiving wasn't helping his still-racing heart to calm down.

"Leo, we need to talk." Frank said, menacingly stepping closer to Leo.

Leo shivered, reminded of a similar incident in the past, but no, don't think about that, just calm down Valdez, why is your heart beating so fast? It isn't Snake, it's just Zhang, calm down, freaking calm down, idiota!

Leo tried to plaster a grin back onto his face, or at least a normal expression.

"Yeah, sure man, wassup?"

"Leo, I've tried and tried to put up with you, and Hazel said I should be patient with you, and Jason said you don't know when you're being insensitive, but I'm tired of you, okay! You treat me like I'm worthless and stupid and you're constantly getting on my nerves."

He stepped closer, and Leo tried his hardest to regulate his breathing, but he couldn't seem to catch his breath and his hands were tingling and he didn't know why he was so scared.

"I've been laying down and taking your crap, but I'm done!" Frank was as close to shouting as he ever got, and he had grabbed Leo's shoulders, slightly shaking Leo's thin form.

Just breathe, Leo, breathe, calm down, what's wrong with you, why can't you calm down? You're such a wimp, gods, Leo, why are you panicking?

Snake was standing over him with an evil smile, as his cronies laughed and moved closer, forcing Leo against the stone wall of the abandoned basement they were in.

Damion had sold Leo out, this was all a trap, and Leo wasn't sure if he'd even make it out of this one alive. Snake was ruthless to those he hated- and he hated Leo more than almost anyone.

"...better stop antagonizing me, or I'll have to make you. I know you think I'm a wimp, but I'm practically twice your size and a heck of a lot tougher than you! Understand, Valdez?"

Leo was shaking. He wasn't sure if Frank really hadn't noticed, or if he just didn't care.

Of course he doesn't care, stupid. No one cares. He's right- you're weak and stupid and worthless and such a pathetic wimp. Why are you even here? Maybe it would have been better if Snake had killed you.

"Leo Valdez. My least favorite enemy. Well, I warned you that if I ever caught you I'd make your life hell, and I intend to keep that promise."

He motioned for his cronies to attack, and attack they did. Leo tried at first to fight back, but he knew it was hopeless. After several minutes that felt like forever; full of punching, kicking, scratching, and smashing, Snake called for them to stop.

Leo tried to pull himself back into reality, tried to act normal.

It isn't real. He isn't here.

"Sure, whatever, Zhang" he managed to mutter, out of breath.

"Will you leave me to my work now?"

Frank simply grunted and turned to storm out. As soon as he was out of sight, Leo sank to the ground and curled up, trying his hardest to just focus on breathing.

Two of his men held Leo down, as Snake drew a long, thin knife from his belt. He laughed sadistically and knelt down next to the bloody, half conscious Latino.

It isn't real!

He traced his knife along Leo's neck, slowly putting on more pressure, but not enough to cut an artery. He laughed as Leo tried to pull away, moaning and flinching, arching his back and hitting his head against the stone floor.

He slowly, very slowly, brought his knife down to Leo's forearm, and without warning, began carving a word into his flesh.

Make it stop! Leo begged, his hands completely numb as they clutched at his throat and chest, trying to tear an invisibly noose away so that he could breathe again. It isn't real, it isn't real. He couldn't remember how to breathe.

W. "How does this feel, weakling?"

O. Leo screamed.

R. He writhed around, tears mixing with the blood on his face.

T. "Stop!" He gasped. "P-please!"

H. Snake laughed again.

L. "I hope you'll never forget the lesson I'm teaching you. That is, if you survive."

E. Leo screamed and screamed, and didn't stop until his voice gave out.

S. Snake pressed the knife even harder.

S. Leo shook with silent screams and dry sobs, slipping into unconsciousness.

"You are pathetic, Valdez- don't you ever forget that."

And Leo never forgot.

* * *

Leo wasn't there at dinner. They waited a bit, but after 20 minutes, the crew decided to go search for him.

Naturally, Frank headed for the engine room, as that was the last place he had seen the scrawny Latino Elf. He thought about their last encounter, feeling slightly guilty as he remembered his conversation with Annabeth, and realized that he had been unfair to Leo.

The sight that greeted him was not a pleasant one. Leo was curled on the floor, clutching at his shirt and gasping for breath. His eyes were closed, he looked incredibly pale, and he was muttering incomprehensibly.

"Valdez! Hey, what's wrong?"

When Leo didn't answer, Frank decided to go get help. The first people he found were Annabeth and Piper.

"Quick, it's Leo, he's this way- hurry!"

They followed him without hesitation.

"What's wrong?" Piper half-shouted as they ran.

"He- he's having trouble breathing, and- well, you'll see, just hurry!"

They reached the engine room.

Annabeth was the first to reach him. She immediately felt for his pulse.

"Leo- Leo, can you hear me? What's wrong?"

He furrowed his eyebrows and muttered slightly louder, but didn't open his eyes. Now his hand was frantically tapping against his knee. Annabeth realized it was morse code, and deciphered it as quickly as she could.

Can't breathe. I'm scared. Help me.

"I think he's having a panic attack."

She took his hand, and Piper sat next to him, wrapping her arm around him. She'd witnessed a few of his panic attacks in the past.

"It's okay Leo. We're here. Whatever's in your head, whatever you're remembering- it's not real. You're safe. You're safe. I'm here."

Leo made a sort of whimpering sound, and slowly opened his eyes.

"Pipes?"

She smiled weakly and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah, it's me, Leo. See, you're okay. Just breathe…"

His breathing began to slow.

"He said…. he said…" Leo began, whispering so that only she could hear. "I'm worthless… pathetic...I-"

"Shhh… He's wrong, okay! Don't believe it."

"I- No!" he said, his voice rising. "No, no, he- he's right…" he got quiet again.

"Piper?"

"Yes?"

"I want- I want…"

"What?"

"I want to leave."

"Leave where?" She asked, her voice shrill with worry.

He didn't meet her gaze, merely shaking his head. His breathing was close to normal now, though he still looked pale.

She looked extremely alarmed.

"Leave where, Leo?"

"Just... forget it, Pipes."

"I can't forget it. Leo, you're scaring me! What's wrong?"

He sighed.

"Just leave me alone."

She looked hurt, but seemed afraid to provoke him, lest he have another panic attack.

After assuring them that he was fine, Leo told the others that he wanted a nap, and they went back to the dining hall, though rather skeptically. They all showed the same fear that Piper had.

Leo didn't go to his room, but rather climbed up the watch tower.

He simply stood there, staring, breathing in the cold night air. Trying to clear his head.

Trying to ignore the nagging thoughts that had been at the back of his mind since his conversation with Piper.

End it now.

They don't really care.

You're worthless.

You're so tired. So empty. Just do it.

Jump.

He shook his head.

Then, a giant eagle appeared, and transformed into Frank.

Leo stepped back, startled.

"Look..." Frank said. "I just want to apologize. How I acted earlier was out of line, and I'm sorry that it took something like a panic attack to make me realize that. I don't blame you if you want to keep your distance from me."

Leo smiled weakly, not having the energy to make a joke.

"It's all good. Thanks for apologizing. I'm like to try at becoming friends- or at least allies? If you want…"

He seemed nervous and self-conscious.

"Yeah, I'd love to try. Hey, um… what are you doing up here anyway?"

Leo flinched involuntarily.

"Just clearing my head. Don't worry about it, big man. But do me a favor and don't give Piper too many details okay? She worries too much."

Frank looked suspicious for a few moments, and then reached a decision.

"Deal. You hungry?"

"Sure, I wouldn't mind some food."

Frank smiled nervously.

Leo smiled back.

* * *

**There you go! Hope you liked it. I don't think I did so well writing angry Frank, sorry about that. Love you all!**


	8. Author's Note

Hey guys! So, I went back and edited all of my chapters, and I don't just mean grammar and spelling. I mean, I changed a lot of things, worded sentences better, added new points to the story and just generally added a bunch of new awesome stuff that I'm quite proud of. So, if y'all decided to re-read it in all it's new (also spell-checked), better written glory, and then maybe tell me what you think if you notice anything different that you do or don't like, that would make me SO happy! My main love language is words of affirmation, which is why I not only why I love reviews so much, but why I love reviews that notice and point out specific things.

And if I haven't already mentioned this, I love you guys! It amazes me every time I think about how genuinely caring y'all are, and how well-liked my story seens to be. In the words of my best friend who recently discovered FanFiction (who might be reading this, if so- I love you); "you really are famous!". So anyway, main points of this note: you should re-read this story, review, and thank you all for everything. Should be updating soon, but I won't have internet from tomorrow though Thursday, so that might make me take longer.

With love 3

-Me


	9. Chapter 8- Sail

**Hello everyone! Wow, it's been a long time. I'm really sorry. Life has been crazy. I had a kind-of breakup to work through (don't worry though, he was a butt and I'm so much stronger without him), plus my depression, plus school and show and vacation with my best friend. So I've been busy and had a bit of writer's block, but I'm back.**

**Now to answer my reviews.**

**C.J.-The-Weirdo-**

**Sorry it took me so long to update! Thank you so much for your review.**

**I have experienced some of the same things as Leo (depression, loneliness, self-harm, being poor, heartbreak, minor panic attacks), but not all of them (not bullying or full on panic attacks, abuse, poverty, nor being an orphan, and definitely not being a demigod). Thanks again!**

**Ana2408-**

**Thank you! I love him too. Who in their right mind wouldn't? I agree, poor Leo. The best people have the hardest lives. You're so sweet. I think you are amazing as well! I'm glad you like the new stuff. You have very good grammar, considering. Also, Anabella is a very pretty name! :)**

**LordOfTehRainbow- **

**Thanks! Hehe, I see what you did there. **

**Skyfir3S4kur4-**

**Thank you very much! I'm glad you think so. He was hard to write angry because he's normally so sweet and dorky. Enjoy the chapter!:)**

**CoolRandomPerson-**

**Aw! I don't know whether I should be sorry or proud? I guess both. Thank you for reading, and I'm honored that it was good enough to make you cry!**

**Mondmaedchen-**

**Thanks! I agree, angsty chapters are my favorite, for both reading and writing. **

**That sounds just like my family. Thank you for reading and reviewing, stay strong! **

**MusicMyEscape-**

**Thank you! I hope you enjoy this chapter! **

**Steve-**

**Hehe, good to know! Thank you very much! Enjoy! **

**Geek Without Glasses-**

**Thank you very much! I'm glad you think so. :)**

**readingaddict24-**

**While I appreciate your honesty and your feedback, I (and most other people) am much more likely to respond when you don't speak in such a harsh way. I have enough assholes in my life to deal with, and I don't think I need another person on the list. I'm glad you think I can do better, and I will certainly work to improve, as I always do. Thank you for your feedback and best of luck to you! **

**Guest- **

**Thank you! You're very kind. **

**I'm so glad you think so. It's okay to be repetitive, at least you're sweet. :) **

**Tonsoffandoms-**

**Oh, whoops! You're right. Thanks for catching that! I sometimes have trouble keeping things in order, glad you noticed that. I'll fix it. Thanks for reading! **

**Warning: This chapter has a lot of mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts. Please don't read if that is a trigger for you, and know that I absolutely do NOT encourage suicide. Please, please, please get help if you're having these thoughts- and remember that you're priceless, strong, beautiful, and important!**

* * *

**Chapter 8- Sail**

_"Maybe I should cry for help_

_Maybe I should kill myself_

_Blame it on my ADD, baby." _

_-Sail, AWOLNATION_

One day. That was how long Leo's new friendship with Frank had lasted before he did something to screw it up.

Leo had been extremely angry and frustrated the next day. He didn't know exactly why, just that he tended to get like this after his depression or anxiety struck him hard. So, as always, he had said something stupid.

Well, more than one thing. He was angry at Frank and had no explanation for why, and he had slipped back into making fun of him, as well as snapping at him, all day. Every time he said something rude to Frank he felt guilty, and then he turned his hate inward, until he couldn't keep it in; then it exploded outward and he said something harsh again.

All of this had caused Frank to feel betrayed, as they had just seemingly made up the night before, and he had stopped speaking to Leo and resorted to glaring at him every time he had the chance.

And so when Leo found himself being carried in giant-eagle-Frank's talons, trying to avoid being obliterated by the Romans, it was naturally a bit awkward. Leo was screaming, apparently unable to control his words as he shrieked curse words and held on for his life.

But clearly the gods didn't think this scene was interesting enough, and so Leo found himself falling through the air at a deathly speed, and the only thought he was capable of forming was _"it wasn't an accident." _

_"It wasn't an accident." _

Leo had been so busy being afraid of falling, it was only now that he had fallen that he realized he didn't actually mind. His human instincts were still screaming in fear, but the rest of him was anxious to reach the ground and finally have the sweet relief his death would bring. In the few seconds that he was crashing through the air, he managed to turn his body so that his head would be the first thing to make impact with the ground- he didn't want any risk of survival.

But then Leo's already-upside-down world was thrown out from beneath him as a heavy, golden something slammed into his body. It took him three seconds to realize the something was Jason.

It took him five to realize he was no longer going to die.

And by the time they hit the ground, he had been hit by a second crushing weight- this one named disappointment.

Leo was lying on the ground unable coax the breath back into his lungs, and Jason was already up and fighting.

Leo always thought that in a situation like this you'd be overwhelmed by adrenaline immediately, but it took him a minute and a half to receive his, and in that time he felt almost more physical pain then he ever had before. He felt as though every bone in his body had shattered, and he thought he might have a concussion. The world refused to stop spinning, but Leo knew he needed to get up and help his friends, and he gave himself ten seconds to do it.

10; he took the deepest breath he was capable of, which still didn't seem like it should have been enough to keep him alive.

9; he closed his eyes and willed them to see straight when they opened.

8; they still refused to see straight. He ignored that fact.

7; he began mustering up all his strength.

6; he remembered to take another breath.

5; he pushed his arms against the ground in an effort to sit up.

4; he felt the pain in his bones begin melt off as the adrenaline began to set in. 3; he sat up and gasped for breath.

2; he grabbed onto something hard which he still couldn't make out through the spots dancing in his eyes

1; he pulled himself up and stood.

He could vaguely see and hear dozens of eagles flying towards him and his friends. He seemed to be the most popular, and so he began using his fire to keep them away. He saw Jason fighting a Roman and then noticed an eagle flying up behind him, unnoticed. He blasted the eagle with fire, saving Jason but allowing his personal enemies time to get closer. So he ran.

After it seemed like he'd been running and hurling fire for forever, Jason ran up and yelled at him to retreat. He knocked one more giant eagle out of the sky and then ran for his life towards the direction he thought the boat was in. Unfortunately, after a few seconds he ran straight into Frank, who wasn't very happy about it. The collision had knocked Leo to the ground.

"Watch it, Valdez!"

Leo winced and his eyes watered, as some of the pain began coming back.

Frank turned to run to the ship, but noticing that Leo was struggling to stand back up and remembering that he had dropped him earlier, he turned back and helped him stand.

"Just be more careful. Now come on, we need to get out of here."

They ran to the ship, Leo following Frank closely to avoid any more mishaps.

When he reached the deck, he immediately collapsed.

He only allowed himself to rest, however, for the few minutes before Annabeth reached the ship, when he forced himself to stand and take to the helm of the ship, fighting to keep it from falling apart.

He was hardly aware during his conversations with Annabeth, holding to the wheel with all his might to keep himself from collapsing again.

The voices in his head had come back while he stood frozen at the wheel. In fact, they had been getting louder. Louder and more believable. More realistic. Sometimes he couldn't tell the difference between them and himself.

It had been worse since his panic attack. He didn't feel completely in control of his actions or words, and that terrified him.

And ever since he had stood on the balcony and considered jumping, he hadn't been able to keep his mind of the subject. He'd attempted suicide before, but this was different. It wasn't a desperate, half mad moment where all he wanted was to die. No, this had become like an inbred part of him, and it seemed like he couldn't stop thinking about killing himself.

He couldn't look at a blade or a rope without thinking about all the ways he could end his life with it. He didn't trust himself to be near a high place or a bottle of pills.

He was completely overwhelmed by a fear of his own mind- fear of what had made him turn his head towards the ground as he was falling, and of what was making him angry at Jason for saving him.

Yes, he was absolutely terrified.

* * *

**Hope you liked it! Sorry, the ending's not very good because I'm in a hurry, but please review anyway and thank you to everyone! Love you all, stay strong! **


	10. Chapter 9- Little Lion Man

**Hey y'all! Wow, another chapter in less than a week? Savor this moment, because I doubt it'll ever happen again. **

**This chapter should be interesting. Conflict, angst (as always), possible injury, and I'll finally be tackling a topic that I've hinted at but haven't really addressed head-on. Trigger warning as always: for depression, panic attack, eating disorder, and self injury. Tread carefully, please. This is going to be a pretty heavy chapter, as it will either full-on tackle or subtly hint at several different mental illnesses, though that isn't too out of the ordinary. **

**Thank you all for your continued support. Let's just say that if I had been (hypothetically) sitting at rehearsal in a dark (emotional) place making a list of pros and cons to living, you guys would have made the (totally hypothetical) former list. Y'all are seriously amazing people, and it continues to astound me how much you care about a random girl whom you've never met. You are all beautiful and kind and strong. **

**readingaddict24- this isn't actually a review reply, at least not to a new review. I just felt that I should say that in my last reply I was not calling you an asshole. I don't want to add you to my list of assholes because, in your own words, "you can do so much better than this." **

**Even though your review sounded like that of a jerk, I'm sure that there is a good person hiding behind the harsh words and I hope someday that person will be appreciated enough to come out from hiding. Wow, I sound like a hard-core optimist, don't I? Well I'm not one, I promise, but this is me turning the other cheek and wishing the best of luck to you anyway. Thanks for reading my story.**

**Nikki Brizz- ****Ok, good to know. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Gregoroverlander- ****Thanks! I'm glad you loved it :) thanks so much for supporting me!**

**S.H.E.N.K.A.I.N.000- O****oh, thanks for the long review! I seriously love those. And thank you so much- you're very kind. That's so true, sometimes people just need someone to talk to and be completely real with. That's why I love writing this, under a pen name where no one knows it's me- I can be totally uncensored and no one's judging. Honesty is probably tied with laughter when it comes to medicine. ****Aw, I'm so honored that this moved you! Thank you for the awesome, supportive review. It's people like you that keep me writing!**

**Guest- ****Those sound like great songs. I don't know most of them, but I'll definitely check them out and see if any of them inspire me for this story! Thanks for the suggestions, and the kind review. I love each and every one of you guys as well! :)**

**Guest- Thanks! I'm glad you think my story is awesome.**

**Mondmaedchen- Thank you so much! :) Ha, same here. All the angst.**

**Alright, chapter time! Enjoy, you impossibly beautiful humans. **

**Chapter 9-**

_"Tremble for yourself, my man_

_You know that you have seen this all before_

_Tremble, little lion man_

_You'll never settle any of your scores." _

Leo wasn't sure how he had held it together for two hours straight, but he had apparently done the job too well. He couldn't move an inch, and his hands seemed to think they were made of stone as they refused to unclench. It took all of Coach Hedge's strength to pry him away from the wheel.

Even as Leo staggered towards the rest of the crew he felt numb to all feeling but cold, which was unnerving. Leo was never cold, and yet now that was the only thing he could feel? His skin felt clammy and he was sure that he looked sick. Speaking of sick, he very suddenly registered another feeling- nausea. It didn't help to see Frank and Hazel fighting, most likely because of him; and both Jason and Percy, the strongest people he knew, looking absolutely awful. Probably somehow his fault too.

_**Wait, probably? Don't be stupid Leo, **_**of course** _**it's your fault. The Romans only hate us because you screwed up. Everyone must hate you now, you almost got us all killed. **_

Leo shook his head slightly, trying to clear it.

It didn't work.

* * *

Leo was the biggest idiot on planet earth. He had just nearly gotten his friends killed for the second time today. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have forgotten the sonar?

And even though he'd made up with Frank, his comment from earlier still stung.

_I guess you care more about your ship than your friends. _

Was that really what he thought? What they all thought?

He cared about them so much that it hurt, how had he screwed up so much that they didn't believe that?

Leo was fussing over the controls, using it as a distraction; an excuse to hide from his friends. To not have to meet their gaze.

He didn't want to see the loathing that was surely hiding in their eyes- he was so afraid to, in fact, that he was visibly shaking, another reason that he kept moving. He had to keep busy, which is why he put everyone to work on the ship as soon as possible.

His stomach growled in protest, as he hadn't eaten anything all day, and he shoved down four delicious brownies as he handed out jobs.

His stomach was momentarily appeased, but his mind was not. His least favorite voice- the one that sounded almost identical to his own- immediately lashed out angrily.

_**What the hell do you think you're doing, Valdez? You don't deserve food, and you most certainly don't deserve four fucking brownies! How dare you be so greedy when you've already screwed up so much today?" **_

Leo winced and practically ran to the bathroom as soon as he could get away. Anything to get rid of that ugly voice. Even if it meant getting rid of the heavenly brownies that were now churning unpleasantly in his stomach.

Even if it meant kneeling on the bathroom floor shoving his fingers down his throat for the fifth time that week, despite the part of him that fought back, knowing that this was getting to the point where it was dangerous.

It wasn't like he wanted to lose weight or anything. He didn't even want to think that this could be an eating disorder.

Because it wasn't. Right?

Those were for insecure teenaged girls who thought they were fat, not stick-thin demigod boys who didn't deserve nourishment. Right?

Except Leo wasn't sure _what_ it was. It was hard as Hades to force himself to eat with the cruel voices in his head telling him that he didn't deserve it. That he was a monster, a seventh wheel, a hopeless screw-up who deserved to starve to death.

He wrestled with that voice just enough to keep himself alive, but he still found it almost impossible to keep anything down if he'd already eaten in the last 48 hours.

And though he'd grown used to the voices over the years, he had just recently begun to realize that it wasn't normal, hearing these things in his head, and that also scared him.

Leo stood, flushing the toilet and then studying himself in the mirror. His eyes were watery and bloodshot and his face was pale with splotches of red. He looked like a mess.

He felt even more like one.

* * *

Leo was sitting in the Dining Hall with Frank and Hazel.

He was several seats away from them, and they were having a conversation without him, which he was fine with. He was exhausted. He hadn't been able to fall asleep until the early morning hours, and had been woken about an hour later by some stupid tourist cruise ship. Now they were waiting for Jason and Piper to get back.

They'd been gone for hours, which had been rather worrisome until Annabeth said something about Hercules giving quests to demigods and that she was sure they were fine, before holing up in her room. Percy had gone to check on her and then take a nap or something about ten minutes ago.

Leo poked at the soggy pancakes that had magically appeared on his plate without his permission.

He reached for a magical cup and mentally wished for coffee.

The voice immediately protested.

_It's just coffee! _Leo silently pleaded.

_It's not even food. Just two cups, please?_

A wave of pain and exhaustion rolled over him, reminding him how much he _really needed _coffee right then.

Or even better- alcohol. But no, he couldn't get intoxicated around the crew. Last time he had- at camp half-blood while building the Argo II- it hadn't been pretty.

_Okay, make that five cups? _

_**No. **_The voice refused coldly. _**You don't deserve it. **_

_I'll skip breakfast. _

_**I said no. **_

He could almost feel the imaginary cold, cruel glare he was receiving in his subconscious.

_And lunch. _

_**Don't make me hurt you.**_

Leo flinched, visibly paling. He'd received that threat before. There had been long periods of his life when he simply couldn't shake the paranoia that if he made even a tiny mistake, the person in his head would hurt him badly for it.

_And dinner? There's no way I'm getting through today without breaking down if I don't have coffee. You don't want that, do you? You hate it when my friends see my dark side. You always threaten to hurt me, or worse, when that happens. _

The voice said nothing.

Leo took that as his cue, and downed the first cup of pure black coffee in one huge gulp. He relished the bitter taste and the scalding burn on his tongue and throat. His mug immediately refilled, and he drank this cup only slightly less quickly. He began to feel adrenaline taking the edge off of his pain and exhaustion as caffeine spread through his system. He downed a third cup before rubbing his eyes, refilling again, and leaving the dining room to do some odd jobs around the ship.

Except that he found himself in his cabin.

In the built-in tiny bathroom.

Holding a razor blade.

Which was definitely not where he'd been planning to walk.

"Shit, what am I doing?" he whispered, starting to panic.

_**I warned you. **_

Leo was shaking now.

_Go away! Go the hell away. I don't want this anymore. I told Percy I was trying to get clean. _

_**Screw Percy. This is who you are, this is what you deserve. You've been going against me and I don't like it. This is what happens when you talk to your friends about your problems. When you eat. When you try to "get better". There is no better, not for you.**_

Leo was trying hard not to cry. Crying was weak, and he couldn't afford to be any weaker than he already was. He couldn't feel any pain, but he could see the red lines blossoming on his upper thighs and his arms. Anyone looking on would have said that Leo was doing it to himself, but he would have said that the invisible owner of the cruel voice was doing it to him- punishing him.

And they both would have been right.

* * *

All Leo could think of was the word _Percy_. His panicking, malnourished, feverishly sick, and hallucinating self couldn't even remember exactly what the word meant, but whatever it was, he needed it. Desperately.

He was sitting on the floor of his shower, wearing only his boxers and a camp half-blood tee shirt, curled up in an impossibly tiny ball and trying to ignore the blood that was all over- coming from his arms and legs, rubbing off onto his face and clothing, dripping all over the tiny shower floor. It wasn't even that much blood, but it felt as if there were buckets full of it and it was closing in, trying to drown Leo.

All he could do was hide there; desperately afraid and trying to remember how to breath, and what breathing was, and why he wanted to do it anyways.

That was until the boy came. He had dark, soft hair and stormy eyes and at first, Leo was terrified of him. The boy seemed equally terrified when he saw Leo, which made sense because one thing Leo could remember was that he was a monster who could only hurt things.

The sea green eyes looked, panicked, at the blood, and at Leo, and at the shiny silver thing lying on the floor. Then, he did something unexpected. He didn't run, or attack. He tried to pick Leo up. Leo fought it, until he heard the word come from the dark haired boy's lips.

_Percy. _

"It's me, Percy. Leo, it's okay, I won't hurt you, please stop fighting me... It's just Percy, Leo, it's just me."

Leo stopped moving and allowed Percy to carry him to his bed. He smiled when Percy laid him down.

"You don't have to be scared, Leo."

"_No estoy, Percy. Estoy con usted, así que no estoy asustada.." _Leo mumbled sleepily as Percy picked him up to carry him to the infirmary.

"Huh? What are you saying?"

Leo didn't seem to hear him.

"_No deje, por favor."_

* * *

**Ok. Well that was a bit intense and dark. Then again, it usually is with me. I hope you all enjoyed! I promise Leo isn't going mad. The hearing voices thing will be explained a bit later. As for the end of the chapter, Leo was just very, very sick from his eating disorder, insomnia, minor concussion, and etc. and doubled with a panic attack and hearing a crazy evil voice in his head... Yeah, not pretty. I guess my dramatic side took over because I wasn't exactly planning all of that, but I hope it was halfway decent anyway. I love you all! 3**

**Spanish: **

**No estoy, Percy. Estoy con usted, así que no estoy asustada- I'm not, Percy. I'm with you, so I'm not scared anymore. **

**No deje, por favor- Please don't leave. **


	11. Chapter 10- Medicine

Aargh. Sorry guys, it's once again been way too long. Being in a production of Peter Pan + being sick + being lazy as crap + having depression can do that to a person. And I left you with a cliffhanger too! Well, I promise that Leo's still alive and you get to find out what the evil voice is this chapter! It should be interesting. I've kind of been in a writing mood in the past two days, so maybe the next chapter will even not take forever to put up!

Also, I'm not gonna make any promises, but someone might just be putting up another angsty fanfic for a completely different and extremely obscure character/fandom soonish…

I promise that won't take away from this fic though. I already have that one completely planned out and mostly written, like I should've done with this story.

So my question for you guys is, have any of you seen Shrek the musical? If so, comment and let me know! I'm going to be in it this spring, and I've recently become addicted to it. Donkey is just like Leo- except black and slightly gay (if you go by the stereotypes, not that I do) and, of course, a talking donkey- so naturally I would fall in love with him, because I love all of the above. :)

Speaking of comments…

Petesmurf- thank you! I have hurt myself in the past but I am almost 100% free of that addiction. Thank you so much! You're so kind. I think you are an amazing person as well. Thank you again for your super sweet review, it made me happy. :) God bless you too!

LimesLovePotter- I agree, poor Leo! :(

Thank you so much! That means a lot that you think that, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Skyfir3S4kur4- Yeah, it is supposed to be kind of dark. Thank you! That's very true. Thank you so much for reviewing and for always being so supportive!:)

LordOfTehRainbow- Thank you!:) t

Thanks for giving me that suggestion/critique, that's always super helpful. I had been wondering if that was the case, and now I know for sure. I think now that I have established the way things are and how they should be better, I will start focusing on the crew trying to make their relationships with Leo better + help him heal. I started that in this chapter, and their attention should be more focused at this point. Thanks again for the feedback and the super fantabulous review! You're awesome. :)

FuzzyElf24- hehe, I think they are definitely partly caused by Gaia's influence, but you get to have the full explanation this chapter. Thank you for reading! You're awesome. :)

Guest- Thank you! I'm glad you think so :D

Calefe- I definitely plan to, I love it. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!:)

Guest- Thanks for the song ideas, I'll check them out! Aw, cuddles are the best, so I'm not complaining. :) Thank you so much for reading/reviewing!

Mondmaedchen- Hehe, thanks! I'm glad you like my story that much xD Percy and Leo bromance is the best! Thank you so much for always being so supportive! You're wonderful. :D

Koolkat0207- Thanks! This is my favorite type of story as well. Thank you so much! XD

CrazyBlueOwl- yeah, I can be kind of dark sometimes…

Thank you for reading/reviewing!

Cheshire 51- Wow, thank you so much! I'm honored. You're so sweet, thank you for reading and for such an encouraging review! :D

S.H.E.N.K.A.I.N.000- Thank you SO much for your fantastic review! I absolutely love long reviews, and I really, really love when people notice specific little things, so thank you for both of those things! Those were some of my favorite parts to write, so I'm glad to know that someone noticed and loved them. You're a wonderful person, thank you again for being so encouraging! You brightened my day. :D

InvisibleOwlFeathers- yay, another long review- those are my absolute favorite!

Thank you so, so much! Literally everything in this review was affirming and encouraging and sweet and made me smile many times.

I'm so glad you love my story. :) And you're going to get some sweet Hazel moments this chapter, so I hope you like them.

Thank you again! You're an amazing person.

gravityfalls2019- Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it :)

Livia- That makes sense. Thank you for reading/reviewing!:)

Tardis Blue 13- Thank you! Sorry this update took so long, I hope you enjoy!

Otaku With Cats- Thank you so much! I agree with this statement 100%-

"I just love angsty things, especially characters that have potential for angst (basically all of my favorite characters from things)". That's why I love writing fanfiction- those characters with potential for angst and deeper sides. Thank you so much for your review and for reading!:D

Wow! I can't believe I just answered 18 beautiful, sweet reviews for one chapter. You guys never cease to amaze me with how much you love my story and how beautiful and supportive you are to someone you don't even know! If I ever lose my faith in humanity, all I will have to do is read through my reviews.

Remember that every single person that is reading this is beautiful, strong, talented, lovely, wise, and priceless. I love you all! 3 ㈵6

Disclaimer: I don't own heroes of olympus, blah blah blah and etc. I also don't own the song Medicine by daughter, which inspired the title for this chapter.

Trigger warning: Talk about mental disorders such as Schizoaffective disorder and depression, as well as of self-harm, and eating disorders.

Chapter 10- Medicine

Hazel was taking a nap in her room when she heard someone banging on the door. She woke up with a start and hurried to the door.

It was Percy. He looked very disheveled, in his blue and red pajamas- wait, red? Hazel was pretty that those splotches had not been there before. And she'd know- he practically wore the same pajamas every night.

"Oh my goodness, you're bleeding!"  
He shook his head, panting for breath. "Nope, not my blood. Come help me- it's Leo. Hurry!"

She followed him. She figured he'd chosen her because her room was closest to the sick bay, and because he knew she was a light sleeper.

They ran to the sick bay next door.

Hazel gasped.

Leo was unconscious, covered in blood, and soaked to the bone.

On further inspection, she saw that the blood was coming from his arms. Even in his sleep, he was shivering violently.

"What happened to him?"

"I'll explain later. Help me- bandages" Percy stripped Leo's wet tee shirt off and wrapped him in a blanket while Hazel found some bandages and ambrosia.

She broke off the largest piece of ambrosia that she felt safe giving him and broke it into small pieces. Leo was stirring, just a bit, and Percy was talking to him quietly, trying to wake him up.

Just as Hazel moved to try and put a piece of ambrosia in his mouth, he jolted awake. His eyes were wide but he didn't make any noise.

"You're alright, Leo. Can you swallow this, please?"

He opened his mouth, but then shut it quickly and turned to Percy, having a short whispered conversation that Hazel couldn't hear. Finally, he turned to her and let her feed him the pieces. Percy had started carefully wrapping Leo's arms with the bandages.

He was still shivering, so Hazel found another blanket and covered him with it. She smiled in what she hoped was a soothing way.

"You'll be okay, Leo. You can go to sleep again. We'll be here when you wake up. You're okay."

He looked at her without saying anything and she had the slightest feeling that made her think of how a mother would feel. Then he closed his eyes again and fell asleep.

She stared at him for a few seconds more, then turned to Percy.

"What happened? Who did this to him?"

Percy sighed.

"He did."

"What?" she looked confused.

Percy looked ten years older, and very tired and sad.

"I found him sitting in the shower. He was covered and blood and hallucinating. He wouldn't let me touch him till I said my name, it was like he didn't recognize me at all. He's very sick, and he needs our help. Lots of it. I'm so stupid…"

She frowned.

"You're not stupid."

He shook his head.

"I knew this was going on. I promised him I'd help him get better, but I got busy and forgot. Why do we always do that? Get self-absorbed and forget about Leo. Leave him to deal with everything alone… I was the only person who knew he was doing this to himself, and I didn't do a single thing. He could've died and it would've been my fault…"

"Oh Percy. You're right, we haven't done well taking care of our friend. But please don't beat yourself up over it. You just saved his life. But… I still don't really understand what's going on."

"Listen- I don't know how much you know about this… topic. I don't think it happened as much when you were a kid. Leo's really depressed, and he bottles everything up. I think he really hates himself and he pretends to be confident to hide it… I didn't know much about this until I did some reading so that I could help him. You know- self harm. Gods, it's so weird to say out loud. Uncomfortable, I guess because nobody talks about it..."

"Oh. I knew a girl who did that- in New Rome. How could I not have noticed… oh, Leo."

Percy nodded.

"You'd never imagine that he hurts so much when he's talking to you. But when you stop and think, it's almost obvious, and I can't believed we never picked up on the hints."

"You're right. But we'll start helping him now. We won't just get distracted and forget. We'll do better this time."

Percy nodded.

They sat in silence for a long time. Hazel wrapped herself up in a blanket and started drawing on a random piece of paper she'd found. After an hour or two, Percy mumbled something about going to get a quick snack.

That's why when Leo finally woke up, Hazel was the only one in the room. She tried to get Leo to talk, but it was about ten minutes before he would say anything.

"Leo? Please say something."  
His face looked like that of a sad child when he answered , but his voice was matter of fact and emotionless.  
"He's going to kill me, you know."  
It took a moment for Hazel to find her voice again, and it was squeaky when she did.  
"W-what?"  
He didn't answer.  
"Ok... U-um... You just wait here, I'll call for Percy. Don't move."  
She opened the door of the infirmary and yelled for Percy. It took about 15 seconds before she saw him running down the hallway.

"What's wrong?" he asked, out of breath and holding a half-eaten slice of pizza.

"He's awake. The first thing he said was "He's going to kill me, you know." I don't know what he means, but it was so creepy how he said it…"

They went back into the infirmary and shut the door.

Leo didn't seem to have moved an inch.  
"Leo, I think you're taking the "don't move" thing way too literally.  
He didn't respond. This time it was Percy's time to talk.  
"Hey? Um... Leo? You need to answer us, dude."  
Leo turned his face away from them.  
"Leave me alone."  
"Sorry dude. Not going to happen. You're on suicide watch and besides that, we're your friends- no, your family- and we're not going to leave you. I should've done more for you when you opened up to me, but I got distracted and forgot about you, and I'm so, SO angry at myself for letting this become the wake up call I shouldn't have needed. You need help, and this time we're going to make sure you get it."  
Leo was silent.

Percy tentatively sat on the edge of the bed. Leo pushed his hand away when he tried to touch his arm.  
"I hate you."  
"No you don't."  
"No," Leo agreed, "I don't. But you can forget about all the helping me crap because I'm not going to be here much longer anyway."  
Percy suddenly felt as if he couldn't breathe.  
"What? What the hell do you mean Leo, please tell me you didn't do anything stupid?!"  
"No, I didn't do anything. But he's going to kill me, soon. He's angry at me."  
"Who?"  
Leo frowned.  
"I don't... I don't know his... You won't believe me." He looked like a scared puppy, his big brown eyes full of desperation, and all Percy wanted to do was hug him and protect him from the world that had hurt him so much.  
"Am I allowed to touch you? And what do you mean?"  
Leo shook his head.  
"Sorry... Not just yet. I'm still... coming out of my panic attack, I guess. And... Well, I don't know his name but..."  
Leo winced and buried his head in his hands.  
"What's wrong?" Hazel asked.  
"S-sorry. Just... He's just angry... He doesn't like me talking about him."  
Percy narrowed his eyes. He realized that Leo seemed to be talking about someone inside his own brain, which both confused and scared him.  
"Hey listen, I'm just going to go get Annabeth really quickly. Hazel..."  
Their eyes met.  
"Just take care of him. I'll be right back."  
She nodded.

Leo looked from Hazel to the door, as if he was still processing.  
"Wait... Why is he getting Annabeth?" his voice sounding a little bit panicked.  
"I don't know Leo, but don't worry about it, okay? No one's going to hurt you."  
He covered his face with his hands again and seemed to be whispering rapidly to himself. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but it was eerie listening to him. Every so often his eyes would widen or he would wince, like he was arguing with a real person.  
"Hey Leo?" he looked up.  
"You know I love you, right?"  
He blushed and broke eye contact.  
"Not romantically or anything. I just wanted to remind you that I do care about you. Not because you're like Sammy, or because you're a repair boy that I only need to keep the ship together. Because you're my friend. Because you're probably the bravest, strongest, kindest, and smartest person I know, but mostly just because you're you. I don't care if you're broken, or if you make mistakes. You've had a hard life, it's okay to be hurting. Just remember that we all love you, okay? Don't look at me like that, I mean it and I'm never leaving you and nothing you say will change that."  
He simply stared at the bedsheets.  
"I would hug you right now if I didn't know that it might make you nervous."  
"You can."  
"Hm?"  
"Hug me. You can, I don't think it will make me panic. You're a calming person, anyway, and..."  
"And what?"  
"It's kinda stupid."  
She moved to the bed next to him and cautiously draped an arm over his shoulders. When he didn't respond negatively, she pulled him closer and put her other arm around him.  
"You... you remind me of my mom."  
"Really? That's so sweet, Leo. Just from hearing about her, and from knowing her son, I'm certain she's someone I want to be like."  
He smiled, just the tiniest bit, and rested his head on her shoulder.

But Percy and Annabeth soon interrupted the quiet moment. Hazel was glad that neither of them remarked on her and Leo cuddling.  
"So... Leo?" Annabeth sat down in the chair next to the bed and opened a notebook.  
"Yes?"  
"Percy told me that you said you were being threatened by someone. Have you ever seen this person?"  
Leo frowned.  
"Once."  
"When? And do you know his name, and what he looked like?"  
"Earlier today. And... No I don't know his name, and I don't really remember anything except that he was in the bathroom yelling at me before Percy came and I was sitting in the shower and..." he shuddered.  
"That's when he told me he's going to kill me. He tried to drown me before Percy came, but I know he's going to try again."  
"Ok. So Leo, does this... person talk to you in your head?"  
"Yes, but he's real, he is, and I knew you wouldn't believe me, and now you think I'm crazy!"  
"I don't think you're crazy, Leo. None of us do."  
"You should."  
"That's too bad, because we don't."  
"What do you think then?"  
"Honestly? I think you're showing a lot of big signs of Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective disorder, and considering how many other mental illnesses you most likely have, I think we should check that out and maybe get you medication to help with everything. Another important thing to know is that you're on suicide watch, which means we're never going to leave you alone until we think it's safe. That means that neither he nor you will have the opportunity or means to hurt or kill yourself."  
"O-ok. I guess that helps a bit. And what's everything?"  
"I think you know that. But from what I can tell, major depression, self-harm (yes, Percy told me), suicidal ideation, obviously ADHD and dyslexic, and like I said, most likely Schizoaffective disorder, as you seem to fit that description best out of the two."  
"So basically, I'm majorly screwed up."  
"No. Basically, your brain has a lot of chemical imbalances that have caused you more trouble than anyone should ever go through, and you've had an extremely hard life that has scarred you. None of it's your fault, and there are things we can do to help you get better. And there's something else I have a slight suspicion might be on the list, which I've been wanting to talk to you about."

He refused to make eye contact.  
"And what might that be?"  
"I have a feeling you know, as you're refusing to look me in the eyes."  
He didn't answer.  
"Just as I thought. Well, I'm going to do this the hard way then. You haven't been eating. You stare at any food like it's the enemy and when you do eat, you binge, and I'm inclined to think that you purge as well."  
"What does that even mean?"  
"I think you have bulimia."  
"No! I don't. I don't have an eating disorder. You're wrong!"  
She raised her eyebrows at him, and he glared back.  
"It's not like I... think I'm too fat, or whatever. It's pretty obvious that I'm inescapably scrawny." he sounded just a tiny bit bitter as he said that.  
"Weight loss is not the only motivation that can cause an eating disorder. It could be a control or self-punishment thing, or stem from the idea that you don't deserve food. And kids in the fostering system or with unstable homes, as well as people with depression or anxiety, are much more likely to have an eating disorder, which puts you at very high risk. Having an eating disorder isn't something you have to hide or be ashamed of- we want to help you get better, and we're never going to judge you."

Percy had moved to sit on the bed at Leo's feet, and he moved his head into Leo's lap, acting remarkably like a puppy dog. It didn't help that Leo was petting him.  
"So Leo, I have a few more questions, if you feel up to it."  
He scowled.  
"Fine. Whatever. But you're not allowed to say the words 'eating disorder' or 'bulimia'."  
She shook her head slightly.  
"Well if it bothers you I suppose I can manage until we further address that problem. Now, I want your opinion, and I also want the truth. I will know if you're lying, and I have to know the truth so I can help you, so please be honest. The first question is, have you binged and purged at all in the past week-or in other words, eaten a lot and then used some extreme measure such as vomiting to rid yourself of the food- and if so, how often and when was the last time?"  
He hesitated.  
"He doesn't... like it... when I talk to you about this."  
"Why doesn't he?"  
"He doesn't want you to know that it's his fault." he winced as soon as the words had come out of his mouth.  
"Now we're getting somewhere. Don't forget, he can't hurt you, even if he threatens you. So this... voice... he forces you to starve yourself? Don't forget my previous questions. And please stop digging your nails into your skin like that, okay? It's not healthy."  
He scowled again.  
"It's a coping mechanism. It makes me feel a bit better and it's the only way I will get through this, healthy or not. Would you rather it be this or me slicing my wrists open and then hiding in the shower while hallucinating?  
Anyways, I have a lot of questions to answer. Yes, he makes me starve myself. He'll hurt me for telling you that, but too late now. He tells me I don't deserve food and then he threatens me, which he is also doing right now. I can't talk about him anymore. Sorry. I don't really remember your other questions, ADHD will do that."  
"Alright, I-"

"Hey Annabeth?" Percy butted in.  
"You're going into interrogation mode. You're making it harder for Leo to open up because you sound all formal and cold. Maybe you could try to sound more caring?"  
"You're right Percy. I apologize Leo. I'm not trying to sound cold, and I promise the only reason I'm interrogating you is because I want to help."  
"It's all good. Your questions were about binging and purging, or whatever, right? Sorry for lying. I have a freakishly good memory, I just didn't want to talk. Yeah. I have done it this week. Once or twice."  
She raised her eyebrows.  
"Or a little bit more than that. But I'm getting a serious migraine, could we talk about something else for a bit?"  
"Okay. I won't pressure you. You're actually doing unbelievably well at opening up, which I know is really hard. I'm proud of you."  
"Thanks..." he muttered. He had his eyes closed and had slumped down as if he was too fatigued to even sit up.  
"Sorry guys, just started feeling REALLY freaking tired. I really just want to sleep for a few minutes, is that okay?"  
"Yeah, dude, absolutely. Do you want some of us to leave or anything?" Hazel moved off of the bed to tell Annabeth something.

"Don't care. But Percy..."  
"Yeah?"  
"This might be really weird," Leo muttered quietly, so that only Percy could hear.  
"Earlier, you know, when I was hiding in the shower... Well, I couldn't really remember anything. I was really sick at that point and I was hallucinating. I somehow turned on the shower and curled up there and all I could see was the blood and the water and I thought I was drowning. I didn't even know who I was, but this word was stuck in my brain like it was superglued. Not to be weird- I promise I don't have a crush on you or anything like that- but it was your name. When you came and pulled me out, I only let you because you said your name and you made me feel safe. Sorry, this is getting really awkward. I just felt like I should tell you that, in case I freak out again or something. You seem to be the thing that can calm me down, I don't know why. It's probably stupid."  
"Nah bro, don't think it's stupid. I'm actually really honored that I make you feel safe. I can stay while you nap, if that would help at all. I mean, one of has to anyway, you're not allowed to be alone, you know, but if it would help you sleep I'm in."  
Leo's face brightened.  
"Yeah, that might help... With the dreams and anxiety and everything. Man, this is turning into an epic bromance or something." He grinned weakly.

Percy grinned back and fist-bumped him before flopping back on the bed and resting his head on Leo's thighs again.  
"Just so you know, you have really bony legs."  
"Yeah, I know..."  
Percy frowned.  
"Oh no, was that a trigger? Gods, I'm messing up already..."  
"No, you're fine. I haven't always loved my body and everything- sometimes I hate being this scrawny- but saying that didn't hurt me or anything. And don't try to monitor what you say for anything that could trigger me, I'll just feel more like a project, and it won't make much difference one way or the other. It's not like if you say the word knife I'm immediately going to run to the nearest blade and stab myself."  
Percy relaxed again.  
"Okay, good. And I know you might not like your body, but I promise you have nothing to worry about. Big muscles aren't everything."  
"Yeah, we'll work on me liking my body later. But right now, I can't even keep my eyes open. Peace, bro."  
"Peace. Sleep well."

Well, hopefully that was good-ish. It's not my favorite chapter- I'm kind of insecure about it tbh, but that's ok. It's not terrible. That probably just has something to do with the mood I'm in right now. Love you all very much! Again, comment if you've seen Shrek (the broadway musical, not the animated movie) and we can fangirl together.

Thank you all, again! 3


	12. Chapter 11- Glass Houses

**Hey guys! Merry Christmas. :) **

**I'm proud of myself for updating as my life has been weird/kinda hard lately. **

**I'm having trouble going to sleep (I got 3 hours of sleep last night, and 5 the night before. And this is coming from someone who often sleeps for 10-12 hours) at night because I get lonely af and stay up too late trying to distract myself from that depressing feeling, which can't be a healthy thing; and also I'm 90% sure that I'm ADD and that it's the cause of me being convinced that I'm not smart, and that I'm the "dumb friend." So that's all new and confusing.**

**But I've been writing a lot. And I rekindled my obsessive love for Newsies (the fandom that got me into fanfiction). Oh, and I got an awesome app that's like a fun to do list and I've actually been getting stuff done (a miracle). And I got a Slytherin scarf + 55$ in gift cards to Barnes &amp; Noble, Hobby Lobby, and Google Play today 3**

**And- I'M BUYING TICKETS TO GO SEE NEWSIES LIVE!**

**You have no idea how excited I am- I just used caps. I **_**never **_**use caps. **

**So anyways, sorry about that ramble. Thank you guys very much for being awesome, and also, I apologize for the whole last-chapter-being-one-large-paragraph thing. I should have fixed it by the time you're reading this (hopefully). **

**Enjoy! **

**Reviews: **

**MusicalGurl- **

**Yay, another fan! I love it so much! Donkey's my favorite. He reminds me of Leo. **

**Aw, thank you! You're so sweet. I'm glad you like my story! :D**

**InvisibleOwlFeathers- Aw, you're welcome. I'm glad you liked it! I'm sorry about the formatting thing, I was pretty burned out when I finished that chapter so I think I forgot all about fixing that sort of thing. I went back and fixed it though, and thanks for pointing it out to me! **

**Yes, at this point of the story they're **_**finally **_**going to start focusing on helping Leo. And actually stick with it. Thanks for the feedback on that! I was kind of unsure if this story was getting too overly sappy/emotional and angsty so I sort of shied away from that I guess. I'm glad to know you prefer the former though, because overly emotional is what I do best. ;) This chappie isn't the most emotional but I should be getting back to that. Also, I'm hoping next chapter to get back inside Leo's head- finally, I miss it, though it's only been two chapters- so we'll get more of his perspective + the evil voice then. Thank you so, so much for giving me constructive criticism! It's so helpful to know what I should work on and what you guys want. **

**You're totally awesome too! (that's okay, most people haven't seen it) Thank you again!:) **

**Anon- Haha, so I've heard. I guess I shall not be messing with the Spanish any more! ;) Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**TardisBlue13- Ikr! It's so fun to write. Thank you!:D **

**Mondmaedchen- That's ok. Don't worry, I'm not too easily offended. I appreciate criticism if it's constructive! I don't know why I didn't notice the spacing thing, but thanks for pointing it out! I fixed it. **

**Thank you very very much! Also, I was getting afraid that I was being too cheesy so I shied away, but now that I know that's what y'all want, I'll go back to it, because I'm better at being emotional and cheesy. **

**That is violent but also very sweet. And I'm usually not one that judges **

**;P Thank you for saying that I'm a beautiful person and caring about me so much! You are also super wonderful and all of those things are also deserved by anyone who hurts you. **

**I get scary thoughts too, you're not alone.**

**Thank you so much for your helpful, sweet, and just awesomely awesome review of awesomeness! :D **

**Tonsoffandoms- Aw, thank you! I'm glad you think that. That's really close to what I had planned actually, so I put our ideas together and this chapter happened. So thanks very much for the suggestion and I hope you like this chapter!:) You're awesome! **

**TryMe626- Indeed :D they're adorable **

**CrazyBlueOwl- Thanks! All the bromance! :D **

**leohotstuff- aww! Thank you, that seriously means a ton and makes me smile! You're awesome. Thank you for reading and reviewing!:D **

**s.h.e. 000- Hey! I hope you've been well too.****When it comes to your question, a mix of both. It's mostly because of the Schizoaffective disorder, but I like to imagine that Gaia and the eidolon ****experiences made it a lot worse. I'm not 100% sure about Piper knowing but I'll explore that more soon. This chapter shows Frank/Jason reacting. Thanks, I'm glad you liked that. I think everyone loves the bromance! It is for sure pretty adorable. I agree! We need more bromance in the books. I chose Hazel because I wanted to explore their relationship, and how they're sort-of close-ish even though they don't know each other super well. And I also just thought she'd react best for my purposes in that situation. Thanks for your time too! I love your reviews. They make me happy. You're awesome, thank you again, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! :D**

**Thanks guys! I love all your constructive criticism/feedback and ideas, they help me a lot when I write. **

**As always, you guys are awesomely amazing and beautiful and I love each and every one of you! **

**Now enjoy (I hope…) this chapter!**

* * *

Chapter 11- Glass Houses

Thanks to ambrosia and sleep, Leo was lucky enough to have escaped with only heavily bandaged arms and several weeks of suicide watch.

Well, sort of.

There _were_ also Annabeth's plans to talk to the group, get Leo medication or therapy or some shit like that, and "work as a group to help Leo overcome his destructive mechanisms."

_Speaking of Annabeth, there she is now,_ Leo thought groggily. He had just woken up and was still in the infirmary.

_No wait, she was already there. Duh, Leo. You're not allowed to be alone. _

"Good morning, Leo."

"Morning."

"I was planning on meeting with the crew over breakfast and discussing things. Do you feel up to joining us?"

He considered for a moment and then nodded.

"I guess we can try it."

She gave him another small piece of ambrosia, and helped him stand. He felt exhausted right down to the bone, and shaky when he walked, so he leaned on Annabeth's arm on the way to the dining hall.

Everyone else was there, but it was clear that most of them didn't know what was going on. They looked confused when they saw him leaning on Annabeth, arms covered with bandages.

He sat down quickly, next to Percy and Annabeth, on the opposite side of the table from Frank, Hazel, Piper, and Jason.

"So." Annabeth spoke up. "We need to talk about this quest, and about Leo."

"And the ship- when is it going to be fully repaired? Because we're in a hurry and we're taking too much time." Jason butted in.

"Leo's been too busy to finish everything, which leads me to-"

"Too busy for this quest? For his friends?"

"I guess you wouldn't know anything about that, would you Jason? Being too busy for your friends?" Leo's voice sounded harsh and bitter as he let out the anger and hurt he'd held in for a long time. Jason had struck a nerve.

"What do you mean by that?" Jason was also clearly getting angry.

"Oh nothing, superman. I'm just the repair boy, it's not like I have feelings."

"Don't call me superman."

"Don't be a hypocrite."

"I'm not a hypocrite! You're the one who's gotten us almost killed over and over! And now you're too 'busy' to even try to fix the damage your mistakes have made. A bit selfish, don't you think?"

Everyone had been frozen in surprise until now, but Percy started trying to stop them.

"Hey! Both of you, calm down! Jason, I can't believe you'd say something that harsh to your-"

Jason ignored him, standing up.

"You're calling me selfish? You're the most selfish, prideful, hypocritical bastard I've ever met!"

Leo also stood, hands on the table as he tried to hide how unsteady he was

"I saved your life!" Jason snarled.  
"Maybe I didn't need your help, Superman, ever think of that? Maybe I didn't want it!"

Leo was losing control. He couldn't believe he had said something that dangerously honest, but luckily, everyone was too busy hating him to notice (or so he thought).  
Jason growled dangerously.  
"You're mad at me for saving your freaking life, Leo! What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled, causing Leo to involuntarily flinch.  
"Everything, you fucking idiot, I thought you knew that already!"

Jason still looked angry, but was starting to show the smallest hint of remorse at hearing Leo's self-depreciation.  
Leo looked around the room. Annabeth looked overwhelmed; Percy looked furious at Jason; Frank looked confused; Piper looked torn, her stormy eyes jumping back and forth from Jason to Leo at a rapid speed. Hazel looked a bit scandalized at the cursing, but she mostly just looked terrified.  
_Terrified of me. Terrified of my bad mouth and the messes I always make and the fire dancing up and down my arms. I'm such a monster that I've lost the trust of the most innocent, loyal demigod I know. _

Leo's eyes were burning dangerously with tears that he absolutely could not let the others see, and he knew it was time to escape.

He moved towards the door. Percy tried to stop him, but Leo was so covered in flames and heat that Percy couldn't touch him. He opened the door and ran.

He collapsed on his bed- there was a knife in his hand, but he felt much too tired now to do anything with it, so he put it on the bed and lay down next to it.

He stayed there for a long time, not moving an inch, which was extremely rare for a kid as ADHD as Leo was.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been lying there before he finally realized that someone had been pounding on his door for a long time.

He thought about ignoring the person, but changed his mind when he heard her voice. He didn't think he'd actually mind talking to her- if it was just her.

"Who is it?" he yelled.

"Piper."

"Just you?"

"Just me, firebug."

"You can come in. It's not dangerous or whatever."

She did come in, and stared at him for awhile.

"What're you doing, anyway?"

"Killing myself."

She stared for another moment, eyebrow raised.

"Well, you're doing a terrible job of it."

"I know." he sighed, burying his face in the mattress.  
He knew she was smirking, and he didn't care. In fact, he kind of liked it. She wouldn't give him stupid pity or try to fix him- she just understood him and was there. Just there.

She moved close to him and perched on the edge of the bed. When he didn't react, she cautiously grabbed the blade and moved it away from him.

Then she started rubbing circles in his tense back, absentmindedly. It was silent, not in an awkward way. It was a very comfortable silence- it made Leo feel safe and relaxed, a rare thing. Piper was special that way.

They remained that way for a long time. Leo's breathing eventually became slower and more even. Piper laid down on her back halfway, arm still lightly touching his back. She thought about her best friend as he slept, and vowed to protect him. Maybe she couldn't fix him or make him feel better, but she would do her best- which was just to be there.

* * *

The dining room was cruelly silent after Piper left.

Jason was gradually slipping from anger to regret. Percy still looked angry, and Annabeth seemed to be thinking very hard. Frank was completely lost, and Hazel was just worried.

"We need to _help_ Leo, damnit, not blow up at him! We were going to tell you all how Leo is struggling a LOT and here you go making it all worse!"

Jason looked guilty as Percy exploded at him.

"I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am- I don't even know what happened. I've been such a jerk to him lately…"

Jason's eyes looked damp, which _never_ happened.

"What- what were you going to tell us?" Frank asked nervously. He didn't want any of that anger directed at him.

Percy sighed wearily.

"Did you know that Leo almost died last night?"

Frank and Jason looked shocked.

"How?"

"What-"

"It's hard to explain. It'll take a while, and it will be both depressing and confusing. You'll have to deal with it though, because Leo needs us."

They nodded. Jason remembered the bandages that had been covering Leo's forearms.

"Was he attacked?"

"Sort of. But not by a monster. He was attacked- well. See, he's been hearing someone in his head. Annabeth thinks he has- what was that word Annabeth?"

"Schizoaffective disorder. It's a lot like Schizophrenia, paired with depression."

"Right- that. And she also thinks he has depression and anxiety- and other things we'll talk about later.

So the- man- in his head, has been telling him cruel things and he sort of convinced Leo to attack himself, or something. Leo believes that the man is trying to kill him and that he would have last night if I hadn't come."

"So- so Leo attacked himself?" Jason asked fearfully.

Annabeth was the one to answer.

"Yes. Percy was going to ask him a question and he found him in his bathroom- well, Percy, can you tell them?"

"He- he was sitting in the shower, with the water running, with his tee shirt and boxers on. He was covered with blood. I mean it, covered- it was the scariest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. He looked totally out of it. He was obviously having trouble breathing and he looked like he'd gone mad. Gods, it was terrifying... I tried to get him out but at first he fought me. Until I said my name. He told me later that he couldn't remember much, he was hallucinating- but that he remembered my name and it made him feel safe.

His arms were covered with cuts and bleeding a _lot, _and he said something to me in spanish before passing out. I took him to the infirmary and then got Hazel, because she's right next door and I just felt like she was a good person to trust with something like this. I was right about that, she helped him a lot."

Annabeth continued for him.

"Physically, he should heal and be alright. Though he hasn't been eating and sleeping properly, so we'll have to work on that. Emotionally, he will need all of our help and more. I think he really needs medication and maybe therapy, but I'm not sure how to handle that. He's sort of a runaway and has no parents or guardians, plus the whole demigod thing. I don't think going to a mortal doctor would work…"

"Oh… Um. New Rome has doctors for that sort of thing- he could spend some time there to get better, maybe? After all this is over, you know…" Hazel suggested timidly.

"That's a good idea, Hazel. If he'll let us, I think after the quest that would be a good choice. Until then, we have to do our best to help him. As of right now, he is on suicide watch. He should never be alone. As Percy said, he has chronic depression, and as you saw, Frank, he gets panic attacks. He has also developed many extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms that I believe were largely because of the voice he hears. Some of you are aware that he struggles with self-injury or used to, though you probably don't know how bad it has gotten, which I believe to be dangerously extreme. The other big one is eating. I believe he has bulimia. It's not because of his weight- in fact, he admitted to disliking how small he is. I believe it is a control and punishment thing, as well as believing he doesn't deserve food. He also admitted that the voice in his head is what tells him to do it- if he does something the voice doesn't likes, he has to punish himself. These are things that we can begin to help with, if not as effectively as a doctor could. Self-harm is addictive so I have no doubts that it will be very hard to break that habit, but we can help him fight it. The same for his eating disorder. Speaking of, he doesn't like the labels 'eating disorder' and 'bulimia', so maybe don't say those things around him."

Frank and Jason looked pretty overwhelmed, and the room was silent again as they processed.

"Do you think- I should go talk to him?" Jason asked.

"Why don't you go knock and ask Piper what she feels would be a good idea. She knows Leo well, and of course, she's with him so she knows what sort of place his at."

Jason nodded.

"I will. I want to fix this- I hate myself for being such a complete _jerk_ to my brother… I hope he'll at least know that I'm sorry, even though I don't expect him to forgive me."

Annabeth nodded.

"Well I suppose that's it for now. We'll talk more at lunch, and then assign people to be with Leo at all times."

They all nodded. They had a lot of work to do, but all they wanted was to help their friend, their brother, to heal.

* * *

**Well, there you are. Hopefully it's not **_**too**_ **crappy. The last bit was hard to write so I hope it's okay anyways. **

**Thank you all for the kind reviews and helpful feedback! I think I fixed last chapter, hopefully it's better now. **

**Hope you had a good Christmas! Let me know if you love newsies too, because I may have a surprise for you soon-ish if you do. **

**Love you all! **


	13. Chapter 12- Fix You

**Hey guys! Wow, it's been almost a month. Whoops…**

**Right. Well, I've been busy. I had auditions, started ballet classes, got sick for like three weeks, had my first monster drink (that was... an experience…), and started writing a LOT, just not the stuff I'm supposed to be and hardly actually finishing anything. Ugh. **

**So. How was y'all's Christmas/New Year's/other holidays/normal lives if you don't celebrate Christmas? **

**Oh yeah. And I discovered that I'm asexual. So there's that. **

**Anyways, sorry for taking so long, I love you all, and time to answer reviews.**

**Gravityfalls1920- Thank you so much! You're awesome. So glad you like it :D**

**Koolkat0207- Sorry this took so long! Thank you so much, your review makes me smile! :D you're awesome. **

**leohotstuff- Yay! I'm glad. Thank you! :)**

**5h0cK1ng-B14nK3t5****\- Cool, thanks for explaining. Thanks for reading! :)**

**Guest- Aw, thank you so much! That seriously meant so much. The world would also never be the same without your kindness and awesomeness! You rock. :D**

**InvisibleOwlFeathers- Thank you! Detailed feedback is SO appreciated, so thank you for that. I'm glad it wasn't too crappy. I'll have to keep working on the spacing, thanks for pointing that out. I actually have the rare luxury of writing this chappie on a computer, so hopefully that'll help some. **

**I honestly can't say enough how thankful I am when you guys tell me what you want and give me feedback. Especially when it comes to this chapter, when I'm feeling very uninspired, it helps so much to have your ideas for help. This chapter should mostly be Jason and Leo, and I'm sure it'll be very angsty considering who's writing it. **

**Thank you! Yeah, being a writer can be hard, but you guys are one of the things that make it worth it for me. :) **

**I hope you had a good christmas too, and thank you again! You're awesome and beautiful. **

**CrazyBlueOwl- Thanks! I'm glad you think that, I wasn't sure if it was good or not, so that's reassuring. Aw, I'm honored! Thank you! :D **

**The Tardis is in 221B Camelot- I know. :( I guess I can't complain though, since it's my fault… Thank you! :)**

**MusicalGurl- **

**I'm doing Shrek too- last week was auditions and cast list! I get to tap dance and also have very fancy makeup. Super excited. **

**Awesome! Newsies is the best. I can't express my love. **

**Thank you so much! Also, that's an awesome suggestion and I'm definitely going to use it, thanks! **

**Mondmaedchen- Thank you so much! Yay, I'm glad you think that, I was afraid that it wasn't good. I don't know if he'll listen, I guess we'll find out (this chapter is kind of going to be improvised so)? :P Awesome! I got a lot of books too, a Slytherin scarf, moneys, gift cards for Hobby Lobby, Barnes and Noble (Yeah!), and Google Play, some clothes, lots of tea and three mugs, cool socks, and a ton of nice dance clothes from my best friend. **

**You are awesome and amazing and beautiful! :D**

**Catquat Vixen- Good to know, thanks so much for reading + reviewing!**

**Bicken Back Being Bool- Thank you, thank you, thank you! XD I'm so glad you like it. **

**WeezieWoo- Thank you! Sorry for almost making you cry, but I guess that means I'm doing my job successfully? Thanks so much for reading, you're awesome and beautiful. :)**

**Guest- I think I got the email for your review on a bad day, and I have to say, it meamt so much to me. You are super sweet, thank you so much for reading this! I know how it feels to be looking for a fanfic about a certain character and then finding a really good one… I'm so surprised/happy that I could do that for you! You are beautiful and strong. 3 :D**

**MakaylaCO- SO sorry it's taken so long! I hope you like this chappie, thanks so much for reading/reviewing! :)**

**neerajevishal8924****\- I'm really sad that you have gone through that, but I'm so glad that you had good friends to help you! Thank you, that was so sweet and kind. I've gone through a few of the things Leo does, but not as many and I, like you, have a few good friends and my mom to help me. Wow- that's an honor! Take care of yourself too. You are such a beautiful, wise, caring person, I can tell even from one review. Keep being the strong, amazing person you are! DFTBA too ;D**

**A/N: Wow, you guys are seriously awesome! You are all amazing people and I love you.**

**Also general announcement, I am now VERY well educated about the mijo/mi hijo thing, and I have now learned my lesson. So I don't need anymore people explaining, unless you absolutely want to for some reason. XD**

**Oh yeah, and if you like Newsies, and angst (which I'm assuming you do since you're reading this story…) you should go check out my new story, an angsty oneshot about Racetrack. Seriously. You should go read it. **

**Disclaimer and warning: I do not own PJO or HOO and I don't want to make any profit from this. Same goes for Fix You by Coldplay and any other songs I use as inspiration. **

**Let the chapter begin!**

* * *

Chapter 12- Fix You

"_Tears stream down your face and I-_

_Tears stream down your face_

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_Tears stream down your face and I..._

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you."_

Leo was confused when he first woke up to the smell of burnt fabric and someone's hand gently rubbing his back.

But then he remembered where he was and what had happened. He sat up slowly, trying not to wince from the dull ache that filled his body.

The smell was from his singed bed sheets- he hadn't even noticed burning them. Why wasn't fire-proof bedding a thing?

And the hand was Piper's, of course.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About an hour."

"Oh."

"You probably needed it. How are you feeling?"

"Yeah. Um. I don't really know. I could think about it, but that might not be a good idea. Better to ignore it."

"I don't think that's very healthy. Please talk to me?"

"I dunno what to talk about."

"Ok. I'll help. What's the last thing you ate?"

He grimaced.

"Can we not do this? Please?"

"Sorry bro. I'm not going to treat you like you're fragile or something. You know me- I don't put up with crap. And you have some serious addictions to break. I'm not going to be a jerk or anything, but you don't break addictions by being babied."

He sighed.

"I probably should have seen that coming, huh? I had a bunch of brownies- was that yesterday? I don't remember. But- I don't know if that… counts. You know…"

"You threw them up? Having said that, I'm not going to baby you, but if I'm pushing you too hard or doing something that triggers you, please, _please_ tell me, okay? I want to help, not make things worse. But I think we should agree that lying is not going to happen. We're here to help you, but we can't do that if you're hiding things. We won't force you to talk about certain things if it's too hard, but if we ask you something important, you can't lie. Kay?"  
"Um… yeah. I'll tell you. And I'll try not to lie. It's really hard to talk sometimes though, because He doesn't like it and threatens me when I do… And I know he's not real to you guys, but he is to me, and it's really hard to deal with. When he threatens me, it feels real, and it's terrifying. But it's hard because you guys probably don't believe me or think I'm being stupid…"

"I don't think you're being stupid. I sometimes don't understand it fully, but I promise that your feelings are real and valid and that I'll never try to say otherwise. Do you think there's anything we can do to help with this?"

"I don't really know. I… I just-"

He had to stop talking because of the tears that were choking up his throat.

"I'm- s-sorry…"

"No. No. _Shh..._ Don't be sorry. You can cry, it's okay firebug."

She wrapped her arms around him and held him against her chest as he shook.

The room seemed louder than any noise for the harsh silence, and Piper hummed softly against his thick dark brown hair, just to fill the emptiness.

They sat like that for several minutes, before hearing a knock on the door. Piper slipped off the bed to go see who it was.

She scowled as soon as she saw her boyfriend on the other side of the door.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I- I need to apologize to Leo."

She didn't answer, instead turning to Leo. Jason seemed surprised that she had taken it so easily, but that didn't last.

"Leo, I'm going to step out and talk to Jason for a minute. But I'm leaving the door cracked. Don't do anything stupid, and yell if you need me."

She left the room, leaving the door slightly open and dragging Jason a few feet away from the door.

She took a few deep breaths before speaking, clearly trying not to yell.

"I don't know what to say, Jason. I don't know what's been going on with you lately, but if you don't get your act together, you won't have a best friend _or _a girlfriend! I can't even put into words how badly you've been treating him."

His eyes widened a bit.

"Did- are you breaking up with me?"

"We'll see."

"Oh… Um. Ok. Listen, I don't know what to say either, Pipes. I screwed up, majorly. I don't know if I can fix it, but I have to try. I've never hated myself more than I do right now. I can't say how sorry I am, and I don't blame you for being mad or even breaking up with me… I'm so sorry. Please let me talk to him…"

She narrowed her eyes for a few moments before nodding.

"Wait a minute. Let me talk to him really quickly."

He nodded and she re-entered Leo's room.

"Hey."

"Hey?"

"Listen. You might not like this, but Jason's here to talk to you. He wants to apologize. It's okay if you're still hurt, but I promise he's very sorry and he's not going to say anything else harsh to you."

"I don't want-"

"I know. But at some point or another, you're going to have to talk to him, and sooner is better than later."

He sighed.

She went back to the door and told Jason to come in.

There was an awkward silence for several moments as Jason struggled for words and Leo avoided making eye contact with either him or Piper.

"Leo- I'm…"

He actually seemed on the verge of tears, a rare thing for him.

"I'm sorry. I'll never be able to say it enough. It sounds stupid too, just a lame 'I'm sorry'. I don't know how tell you how angry I am at myself, how much I wish I could take it back. I didn't mean anything I said. I don't know what was wrong with me. I'm not asking you to forgive me, because I haven't even forgiven myself, but… But I just want you to know that I'm so, so sorry and I want to be a better friend and help you."

Leo was scowling, still looking at the floor. He rarely got angry enough to show it, but he felt as if everything wrong was building up inside of him and he was about to explode.

Of course, in his case that was actually a very literal possibility. The room temperature was definitely rising.

Leo stood up suddenly, unable to sit down with how much his blood seemed to be boiling. He felt like yelling and crying at the same time, and the result was an oddly strangled noise being emitted as he jumped at Jason and hit him right in the face. Leo didn't feel in control of himself at all and seemed to be having an emotional break down at the same time as he kept trying to hurt Jason, who refused to fight back. Rather, Piper was the one to jump into action. She tried carefully to pull Leo away, despite his body heat being almost enough to burn her.

"Leo! Stop. Calm down, okay? Stop!"

He was no longer attacking Jason, but was shaking so hard that he seemed on the verge of collapse. His breathing was far too fast, too labored.

And the temperature kept rising. There were now small flames flickering across his arms. Tears streamed, thick and fast, down his face, but evaporated before they reached the bottom of his cheeks.

"Leo… Leo, calm down, please. Breathe. You're okay, Leo-"

She had moved closer to him, but he seemed to panic and turned, quickly, almost collapsing and falling into her. She gasped and teared up as his hand made contact with her upper arm, burning it.

It was Jason's turn to be spurred into action. He was protective of Piper, but also didn't want to lash out Leo.

"Piper! Are you-"

"I'm fine. It's fine, Jase."

"You should go. Get Percy. His water- and he calms Leo down."

He wanted to get her away, as Leo was losing control and it was getting dangerous, and getting Percy would help both that purpose, and hopefully,help in calming Leo from his panicked state.

She nodded agreement and practically ran out of the room. Jason turned back to Leo.

"L-Leo? Listen, it's Jason. I don't know if you're having a panic attack or- or what, but just listen to me okay. Try to breathe. You're safe. No one wants to hurt you. Please try to calm down, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, and I know that doesn't help and you still hate me, but please? You're going to hurt yourself. You might pass out. Just try to breathe."

Leo seemed to be listening but didn't respond. Jason suddenly had an idea.

"Percy's coming! Hear that, Percy? He'll be here any second. He can help you calm down."

Leo breathed in, still shaky and unstable, like every breath was a hard task in of itself.

"Percy?"

"Yeah. Percy. And listen to me, Leo, you're going to be okay, hear me? You're scared and angry and maybe that voice thing is threatening you, but you're safe right now. He can't hurt you."

Percy rushed through the door right then, his face growing more worried when he saw a smoking, flame covered Leo kneeling on the floor.

"Leo!"

"Percy?"

"Hey, bro, what's wrong?"

Percy knelt gently next to him, absentmindedly sending tiny spurts of water towards a few flames that were trying to catch in the wooden floor.

"I- I-"

"Hey, it's okay. You'll be alright."

"I don't know. Everything was just inside me and it was swirling around like when you're going to puke- but not in my stomach- and then it just exploded out of me like vomit and I couldn't control it, and I started freaking out and…"

He started to breathe more naturally.

Percy filled his hands with cold water that he pulled from the tiny bathroom connected to the bedroom*, and controlled it so that it carefully sprinkled over Leo, putting out the flames on his arms and lowering his body temperature a bit.

Leo seemed to be almost back to normal. He closed his eyes and breathed in, tears still making their way down his dark cheeks.

"I-I'm sorry…"

Percy hugged him.

"You're okay. You don't have to apologize. It's okay if you have breakdowns, you have so many problems that who can blame you? We'll always be here for you. Maybe we can't fix you, but we'll do our best to help you."

Leo relaxed against Percy and allowed himself to believe his words.

* * *

**Okay. Well, guys, I really hope that was decent. I kind of had to sit down and force myself to get it done, but I think it's pretty good. Thank you all so much, and special thanks to MusicalGurl and InvisibleOwlFeathers for giving me suggestions that helped me get this chapter written!**

**You are all beautiful, strong, wonderful people and thanks for sticking with me. :D**


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